Sweet Submissive

Oh My How Time Flys!

2011-11-01T18:59:00.000-07:00

I am so sorry, so so sorry I have neglegted this blog. Im sorry to my readers, Im sure you dont care about me anymore since I have been gone over a whole year. Well, there are some awesomely GOOD reasons for that. As you know, Master and I had been very busy with our schedules and such, and we had also started trying to create our own little family. I also kind of abandoned the blog because with all the social sites connecting to each other I was afraid I would be found out sometime soon. Our life like this is very private and secretive. No one we know in real life knows the D/s dynamic of our marriage...

So anyways! On to the good news! Master and I ended up concieving in November 2010, and I gave birth to our beautiful baby boy in August 2011. We are so filled with joy, and the pregnancy was tough with some slight complications, but our baby boy was born healthy and perfect. We can't imagine our lives without him. I will have to say though, it really turned Master on while I was pregnant and carrying his child. He keeps commenting to me about making another, and he just loves when Im pregnant. We do plan to have another sometime in the near future, we just take each day at a time and enjoy our time with our lil man.

I love that we are officially a family now. I love that I can look at my husband and know that he is our provider and my sons father. We want our son to know who's in charge in this house. Whatever Daddy says goes. I hate to see with other familys how the father is disrespected by the mother and children. Its not right. I will always make sure he sees his mommy respecting his Daddy.

Well I better go now and tend to my little one. I hope to blog on here frequently again. I do have a bit of time in my day now that I stay home with the baby. I wish you all well.

Master and I

2010-06-24T21:11:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone, sorry for the disappearance. Things have been pretty hectic around here with mine and Masters schedules. We are both taking classes, Master works full time at night, and I am working part time. I am glad to be able to say I am finally working though, but sometimes I really hate how our schedules are. There has been a couple days where I only get to see/spend time with Master for about 15 minutes. That upsets me, but I dont work a lot of hours, so thats good for that reason lol.

But anyways to say whats been going on the past few months, Master and I have decided to try for a baby. I was on birth control pills for 5 years, and got off of them in June 2009. We werent too careful during that time, not really trying, not really preventing... just hoping it might happen. Well, nothing ever did happen, so last month (May), we decided to really try. This is our second month trying, and I hope this is it. Im anxious about it. We really want to have a little one. I want to carry Master's child. I love him so much, and he wants one just as bad. We will be a family, instead of just a married couple. lol.

I wish he and I had more "us time", but with the time we do have, I make sure I do things for him, like I always make sure the house is clean with all the domestic duties taken care of, make him dinner when I'm home, make and bring him his coffee in the morning or night, I even go visit him on his lunch break at 11pm, bringing him lunch if I dont work or go to school the next day. I know he appreciates it, but I hope he knows I am doing this as his submissive too, to please him.

Love for my Master

2010-03-21T21:52:00.000-07:00

I cant believe its been so long since i have posted! Kind of pisses me off... more so that I am contributing to the others who no longer are posting. It just sucks. I miss coming on here and reading everyones blogs. It kind of puts me in the right state of mind, and when I write, it helps improve my attitude towards my Master and myself. So I apologize to those who do read my blog. I did not want to neglect it, just as I NEVER want DD to fade into the background. I love it too much! lol.
I was listening to Korn, and well, it reminded me of how much I want my Master to take advantage of me. Then it reminded me that I need to get on here and write. Im just mad at myself that I didnt even get to write on Valentines Day and wish everyone a good time. Oh well, I am really going to try and make an effort to update at least once a week. Nothing interesting really happened this week. Master has been working a lot. I did get a spanking towards the end of February, I was being bratty, and it hurt! But secretly, I really love it. It puts me in my place and proves to me the control my Master has over me. I wish he would do it more often. Like maintenance spankings. I dont know, it just really evens things out for me. I know we have been crazy busy, but I am ready for him to be extra strict with me about his rules. I need that control. I am going to talk to him tonight when he gets home. I will keep you posted if he sets out new rules, or whatever he decides. I love him so much! He is so loving and always wants the best for us. I love the life we have together, and DD makes it oh so much better!

UPDATE! (sorry no clever title name lol)

2010-02-07T21:41:00.000-08:00

I hate neglecting my blog, as well as neglecting to read others. I truly hate it. I have just been so busy trying to keep up with school and my social life, that I seem to have no "extra time" to write in my blog. Right now I am taking a break from doing my homework to write. I just cannot stand to be stuck on one thing at a time. I'm always jumping from thing to thing, even with housework, I will be doing laundry, then get a thought to do something, do it, then forget what I was doing until later.... Yeah, maybe a slight form of ADD? Who knows... Haven't gotten that checked out at all. I don't really care unless I get something that keeps me on task. But who cares. This blog is about DD!

So anyways, Master is extremely busy also! He tells me maybe its best if I just dont look for a job. I would prefer to have a part time one at least. I miss having spending money. Master is extremely strict with money. I have no freedom with it whatsoever, which I hate. What girl doesnt like to go shopping every once in a while? But he is sweet, he gives me some cash when he gets bonuses and things like that. I really appreciate that he does those things for me.

Also, I havent been bad enough to get a hard spanking. So I guess that is good, but I can tell when I get on his nerves. I just wish he would put me in my place right then and there when that happens. I love when hes dominant like that. He does when we are at home, and will place his hand on the front of my neck to show me his dominance, and it really turns me on! He does many things that turn me on. lol

I am still trying to be his perfect submissive, but like I said before, we have been a little more lax on the subject of that. I'm hoping things get more strict soon. I cant be my best if he doesn't correct me..... That reminds me of that scene in The Shining when the man with the twins is talking about correcting his wife and children lol. Funny how those little things stand out to me.

Finally a New Year

2010-01-06T20:45:00.000-08:00

Once again it has been a while since I have posted. Nothing new and exciting was going on, and no real kink was going on in the bedroom. lol. So nothing really interesting to discuss this past month, just living life and seeing where it takes us and making love any chance we get. Life has been busy lately and durring the past month ive given him little tests to see if hes all there, if hes still my Master...And of course he is! Always will be. I havent gotten a spanking in it seems like forever, and it turns Master on so much, I know he wants to paddle my lil ass. But he knows he spanks me when Im bad, and knows I shouldnt get his cock if I'm bad, but I told him if it turns him on that much, we can have just a little play session of spanking, I dont mind; I kind of like it, except when I'm being paddled for punishment. When he spanks me for his pleasure, its loving, he caresses my ass each time before he lifts his hand to smack, and at each raise of his hand I anticipate feeling that sting.

Yes, December was an odd month, but January seems to be starting off good, and we are getting back to ourselves as Master and submissive. I of course, am still thinking some of his decisions are not fair, but I still obey him because he in fact does know what is best for me. Things in our little world are good, but as for our surroundings, not so great. Things with his family have been a bit crazy lately, we can only hope things will work themselves out and I pray we dont get dragged into things that are not our business - which is a good reason why we live an hour away from them. But other than that things are looking good, and so is the job market, its getting better. I think I may be able to find work soon to help Master with bills. I'm happy I entered into another new year with the man I love.

Seeing Master's POV

2009-12-05T20:16:00.000-08:00

I haven't been updating as much as I would like to lately, but I cant change the time that has passed, so here is an installment in the best timing I could do.

Being truly dominant has become so natural for Master. He is expressing himself more dominantly from the time we first started exploring DD. He has always been dominant, as I have stated before. A leader, competitive, and strong. Very intelligent and will debate about anything he feels strongly about, and doesn't stop until, in his mind, he wins. I love that about him. I love that he speaks his mind without fear of what someone will think about him. He stands his ground. Which goes into having to do with me. I said its become more natural for him to be Master, which helps me to be more submissive. But sometimes I hate when he is domineering, yet at the same time, he is putting me in my place, reminding me that he is the HOH. I am the submissive wife. What he says goes. Sometimes I hate that though. Like last week some friends wanted to hang out together, and he was already irritated. So as we were on our way, he got even more irritated at who knows what, flipped the car around and said "We are going home!" I thought this was unfair, and had my pouty face on, but Master does not like that. I told him its stupid how he was acting, and he told me that "Its my money and I will spend it how I want". So that was the end of that, and home we went. In my eyes unfair, yet, what he says goes. Another thing that happened was last night. He was at work, and he usually calls me on his first break. I didnt hear anything from him, at all, and I kept calling. I was so worried that something might have happened. I didnt hear from him till six hours later, at his lunch break. He said he couldnt take his first break because he was training some new people. I was so upset, I didnt care what the hell he was doing, he should have taken a break. I told him I was worried something happened, but Master did not like my attitude and told me if I didnt stop he was not going to talk to me until his last break when I would be in a "better" mood. So I didn't stop, and he hung up on me. I think that was mean and harsh considering I was worried. But now, a day later, I see his point. He is the Master and I need to speak to him with the most respect.

So thats what has been going on lately, I will try to update more often. Master likes to read my posts also. :)

Submitting to Him

2009-11-12T20:49:00.000-08:00

I have come to realize that for me to be fully submissive to my husband, I need to follow him in everything. This brings me to the topic of getting a roommate. I am becoming more open to the idea, and I realize, Master is doing this for my benefit. The whole time his reasoning had to do with me. He loves me at home, and would love for my focus to strictly be on school. Im still not ready to accept a roommate at this time, and I am using Master's deadline to my advantage, but when the time comes, I will submit to his decision. He knows this, and Im sure he knew the whole time before he even broached the subject with me because he has been discussing this could be situation with the potential roomie. But in the end I realize I do not have a choice because I agreed to be his submissive.

He told me I have been a good girl lately. I feel I havent been the best to my abilities, but if Master says Im a good girl, thats what I am. I miss him telling me this. I feel most submissive to him when he says things like this to me. I feel loved and the center of his attention and desires. This is why a vanilla relationship will never work for me now. It will never be enough, vanilla relationships are so passive, and I think he feels the same. We need that extra attention to each other. Not to mention sex is so much more amazing with a D/s dynamic, although we sort of had one before reading about DD. I know this is a turn on for both of us, but I think if a vanilla couple were to try it, they might end up liking it too. Our relationship is smooth when we give it our all in our roles. I notice when we slack on being Dominant and submissive, our relationship gets rocky. I may not be the perfect submissive, but at least I can try.

A Little Update

2009-11-10T18:54:00.000-08:00

I have not written in a while so now would be a good time I guess. Lately I feel I have been so "naggy". I hate it, and it just pushes Master away. We both haven't talked to each other in the sweetest voices lately either, and it makes me sad. Especially because we just celebrated our first year of marriage. I know we both have a lot on our shoulders right now, but I think he should try a little harder to be patient with me. He just always seems so irritated with me. Our first year of marriage just seems it was so much harder than it should have been, and we have dealt with so much crap. No newlywed should be so stressed. Its hard to focus on each others happiness when things seem to bare down on you. I think also what has him so irritable is that he is working more and different hours at work and still trying to juggle school. Its really stressful on him, especially since he is the breadwinner and has to worry about all of the bills by himself. He wants to get a roommate if I don't find stable work by February. I really don't want this, and his main reason for this is so I can just stay home while i am in school. Honestly Id rather go get the stupidest job and work instead of having a roommate. If im the homemaker, how am I suppose to keep things "just-so" if we have someone using our stuff and making their own messes all the time. We are married, and really do not need some other person staying here. Even if its a short while. I see the good points, but it also means we will have to keep DD / D/s on the DL, unless we be completely open and scare them away lol.

Our Horrible Incident!

2009-10-21T22:17:00.000-07:00

Master and I have been dealing with so much crap lately. We are sooo ready for things to get better. So as any normal couple would do, we resort to sex to ease our stress. Of course, that has to get taken away too! I love pleasing my Master, and now, for who knows how long, I cant please him sexually. It all started a few nights ago, we noticed he had a couple little tiny "tears" on his frenulum. We think it had to do with these other condoms we had tried, that has less lube on them. So the other day, of course we cant help ourselves, think its probably okay. We pop in a porno, and start getting frisky. He gets in me and starts thrusting, and then does one deep hard thrust. He felt something, but didn't think much of it until he pulled out. He was bleeding! Oh my God imagine how worried I was! He had torn the skin again! But more! And this has never happened before. We have been together seven years. Why all the sudden now does this happen? I was so scared for him, I was ready to take him to the ER ASAP!!! Well, Master went online today to see if this has happened to other uncircumcised men. It has, and I guess he will need to go to the doctor to get it snipped. It looks like it hurts. I feel so bad for my Master. What is he to do? I guess we will have to wait till he goes to the doctor before we can have sex again. I still cant believe this happened, and I still have that thought stuck in my head. How horrible! He feels okay by the way, he says it just hurts if he pulls the skin back. Poor Master!

My Loving Master

2009-10-13T22:52:00.000-07:00

The other day I had a breakdown. I feel so useless. I was hoping on this one job, they sounded interested, and then after a week of not returning my call, they tell me they moved on with a better candidate. I just broke down and started crying. Its going to be a year soon since I had a full time job. Master came over and just held me and let me cry in his arms. He reassured me we are okay, but I know the stress of making sure all our bills are paid is catching up with us. We would be well off if we didn't have like five credit card bills and if we didn't have my stupid car payment. But I'm thankful he can pay for everything, even if we don't really have any spending money left over. I love being at home with him anyways. We don't need to go out every weekend. He probably thinks I don't feel this way, but its true. The only reason I ever suggest going somewhere is because our friends ask us to meet them somewhere. But I realize there are times when we need to say no now. We just simply cant afford it, and Ive already told them no this last weekend. Kind of sucks, but if it means being at home with my Master and him not stressing about money, I'm very happy because the most important bill of all is our mortgage.

Making Him Proud

2009-10-09T00:04:00.000-07:00

Today Master read my post, and while I was cooking dinner, he came and hugged me and told me he is glad I see it that way. That I understand. That made me so happy. I love getting approval from him, but I am going to really work on listening to him better because I know that when I don't, it just pushes him away. I feel bad he is at work right now. We both haven't felt that great today, so to make it up to him, when I came to visit him on his break, I tried to make him feel as relaxed and calm as possible. I rubbed his neck and stroked my fingers through his hair. I could tell he was enjoying it, he had his eyes closed. He wanted to come home so bad and sleep because today he did not get much sleep before work. I'm going to try and make sure there are no disturbances while hes sleeping.

But in other news, I am pretty proud of myself today. There was this website that was having a special on something I really wanted to buy, and I asked Master if I could buy it, and he said no because he already let me spend $60 this week. I could have easily just bought it without asking, or even bought it after he said no. But today I obeyed. I did not buy it, and it was something fairly cheap too. It wouldn't have made a big difference in our account at all, but it would be wrong for me to disobey him, and I know it would anger him. So today I accomplished something small, but too me it was big in the world of being subservient. Shopping is my weakness. So I'm hoping tomorrow will start off well for us, and maybe he will read this post, to see how big of an accomplishment that is to me. I know its kind of dumb, but if we weren't into this dynamic, I wouldn't have gave a shit, and I would have bought it anyways.

Master's Lectures

2009-10-07T18:46:00.000-07:00

I had wrote a post of me ranting about Master lecturing me. It seems he ALWAYS is. But I read Kajira's post, and it showed me that he is lecturing me so much to get it into my head, for me to be a better submissive to him. I did not think of it this way. No, I thought he was just being flat out mean to me. But for me to publish that last post would be mean to him. He does his best to make sure things are paid for and that I have things I need. He doesn't have to do this. And he tells me this. He tells me he could just kick me out on the street. And this is what really makes me upset, but you know something, its true. It hurts to hear that from him, but he is right, and I realize he tells me this to show me how much he loves me. He loves me so much that he would never do that, even though he has the complete power and control to do so. In some ways that scares me. That he has that much power over me. But I love that he does have this control. It is the control and leadership I want and need from him. He said this to me again today, and it was in a very mean and hurtful way. It really took a hit to my heart. He said this because he was lecturing me, and I got pissed at him. I hate that I get mad about it, but in the end, whatever it may be that he is lecturing me about, I know he is right. I just need to learn to take a different approach to this. Like sit there, be quiet and take in everything hes saying as if it were the word of God. He gets upset with me when I don't listen, and it is disrespectful. I'm trying to improve this and I want to make him happy. He leads, and I follow. I just have to keep that in mind when a lecture starts.

Master's Request

2009-09-22T17:36:00.001-07:00

Master said something interesting to me today. And how this happened was that I was challenging him to be my Master. Act more like my Master because he has been so lax on it lately. I did not say this in a rude way at all, and he did not take it that way either. He responded with "are you going to be my sweet submissive?" And I said, "if you be my Master". So he asked me if I could write out what kinds of things I guess I would expect of him as the Master. He said he will not follow them because he is the Master, but he is curious as to what I perceive him to be as my Master. Hmmm, he has never asked me this before, but I think he asked me this because I asked him to be more strict with me. I need more guidance from him. I don't feel like his submissive in life without his firm hand guiding me. I don't know what I will write to him, but I will post it. We definitely do not have an issue of him being his role in the bedroom of course, I just wish he would be that dominant with me 24/7. I love it!

Always Master's Girl

2009-09-12T22:40:00.000-07:00

So I feel like I have been missing for a while, I hate not being able to log in here, its like part of my life because no one knows about our lifestyle besides us, and other bloggers. I like being able to talk about DD things, and I love reading other blogs. So lots of things have been going on lately. Master and I are now in school, and he is trying to balance school and work, while trying to get some sleep and be my Master all at the same time! Sometimes I feel awful that he is in this position. Maybe it would be easier if I had a job? I'm still trying to find one. Master doesn't mind too much anymore now that I am in school. He likes that I can concentrate on my school work. I just don't want him to put school off because his job is more important at the moment. In the long run that job ain't shit, but he is making a good living and is able to support us.

About two weeks ago Master was really stressed with the situation and wasn't sure if he could be my Master, wanted to be my Master. I locked myself in our room and wrote him a letter as to why he NEEDS to be the HOH and my Master. And in the note one of the things I said was that our personalities, and astrological signs just are not compatible when both of us try and work equally. He is a Sagittarius and I am a Capricorn. We either complement each other, or destroy each other. He knows this from experience. We had awful fights before this. And not to mention, we both love that he dominates me. We both get off on it, theres no doubt about that. But I think one of the things that led him to think this way was because I was not being "completely" submissive. I think my actions made him self conscious about the leader he is. I would just revert back to my old habits and not listen to him and be argumentative. I don't know why I do this, it is not the person I want to be. I want to be his submissive, and I am his submissive so I need to act like it. I just want him to know that no matter what, I am always his sweet submissive girl.

Busy with Life

2009-09-02T17:37:00.000-07:00

I know some of you are looking forward to seeing my rules posted on my blog. I'm sorry it is taking so long for me to post them. Master and I have been so busy dealing with life. We are trying to get ready for college, I'm also trying to find a job, and his brother is getting married soon. We are just way too busy at the moment. Master still needs to finish the rules, he has a page done, but I don't want to post anything until they are complete, because some of them kind of fall into each other. Its like whenever we have a free moment, we just want to relax with each other, or when we are home sometimes it seems there is just more house duties for me to complete because we were out and about all day. I hope things slow down a bit soon, Master is stressed again. Just more and more bills, and I feel like hes stressed because of me. Because I don't have a job right now. All of his worries are centered around me and my situation. He hurts my feelings about this, and when I tell him, he says sorry and that we will be okay, but its like in a couple days it resurfaces. I am trying so hard to find work, but there is only so much I can do. I almost had a job, but then the guy decided he wasn't ready to hire me yet. I don't know what the deal is, but it just let me and Master both down. We thought our problems were solved, but they are not. Not yet. So once the rules are finished and in place, i will post them. It just seems like since Master is stressed, that this has been set aside for the time being. I hope things get better. I want things to be how they were.

Master's Rules

2009-08-23T10:38:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy! Master is getting more strict. He has finally taken an interest in writing out my new rules! He already has almost a whole page filled with his expectations of me, and he says he plans to continue them and write another page for me. I'm so happy he is doing this, because I really need structure, and without knowing exactly what he expects of me, how am I to be my best submissive self for him? I love that now I will have some strict guidelines to follow. I noticed that one of the things he has decided on doing was weekly maintenance spankings. He feels I need it. It brings structure to my life. I am happy he has decided to do this for me. I made a promise to him that whatever he has written down, I will try my best to live up to those standards everyday. So I asked him not to leave anything out. I cant wait until he is done writing everything down, I will probably post a few here that seem to stand out the most.

Making Plans

2009-08-20T19:23:00.001-07:00

I feel like I haven't updated in a while, so because of this I'm just going to write something lol. I haven't even been able to come on here and read everyones posts since I last wrote. I hate that, I love reading everyones blogs. But anyways, Ive just been really busy trying to find a job to please my Master. One of our fights was over him thinking I don't try hard enough. So I am proving to him, i am trying as hard as I can. I hope I get a call from someone soon. We also have been busy trying to think up a plan for our lives. We want to be successful, and obviously give our child luxuries once we have one, so Master has decided he is starting some college next month, and I might be too. I have an appointment with a counselor tomorrow. We have both decided paralegal would be the best fit for me. Master was the one who first suggested it to me, and I didn't have that big of an interest in it, it sounded boring. But when I talked to the counselor, she told me there are so many things I can do with it, and so many different places I can work for. But other than all of this, nothing much has been going on. Everything is pretty calm and neutral in our house. No reason for me not to obey, and no special orders coming from him. Although the past couple nights I haven't cleaned the dishes before bed, and I wonder if he has noticed. He hasn't said anything to me yet. I'm not really asking for a spanking, just his authority. But hes been caught up in his thoughts. He is trying to rebuild a 68 Mustang, and that has him all giddy. Oh, and I did start to read Fascinating Womanhood. It is a classic about women being submissive to their husband and basically just how to appreciate him more and be more pleasing to him. They say it has helped many marriages, and I don't doubt that, think about your DD or M/s relationship, you obey your Master and it makes things right. And in this book she is teaching women to obey their husband. I personally think a D/s M/s relationship is delightful, so much more intense love than just simply obeying your husband, but its a good start for every wife, and the book is enjoyable to read.

A Common Mistake Subs Make

2009-08-12T19:54:00.000-07:00

So today I did something very unsubmissive. I was arguing with my Master. He had called me on his way to work and was having me look for his watch that he misplaced, and I could not find it. I didn't place it anywhere and I had no clue where to look. I looked at all the places he told me to look... No watch. So I told him this, and that if he wanted me to find his watch he would need to tell me where it was. So he got all mad at me, hung up the phone, and came storming in the house a couple minutes later. So he found it, and told me that I didn't look hard enough! So of course this made me mad, and I yelled at him saying how the hell am I supposed to know where he keeps his things? I didn't put it anywhere! So of course he gets mad at me for saying this to him, because the correct thing would have been "sorry Master but I couldn't find your watch for you". Every sub makes mistakes sometimes, I'm just glad this didn't turn into a worse fight than it was. I hope next time I will be able to say the right things, because I always feel like he thinks less of me when I say the wrong thing.

Chores

2009-08-08T20:43:00.001-07:00

So today was a pretty good day. A nice Saturday. Master did tell me he will be writing out my rules soon, but he has been working, and much of his time this week has been concerned with fixing things during the day,and working by night. So as you can see, no time to write rules out or to update his blog. And Ive been busy helping him with everything, making sure he gets his sexual needs met and trying to make sure all my chores are done. Which a couple did not get done last night. I thought he wouldn't notice, but he did. I got tired last night, and I didn't clean the kitchen before bed, the counters were clean, but there were dirty dishes in the sink and a few things laying out. I also didn't do laundry like I should have done. But all those chores got done today of course, but Master let me know that he noticed. Before he left for work tonight, he gave me a very stern warning. He told me that the kitchen better be clean, and the laundry done when he gets home, or I will get a spanking. He says he will be able to write out my rules on his days off, and I hope so, because right now hes just been telling me things as we go. I like to see things written down. Its more final.

Needing a Spanking

2009-08-06T20:02:00.000-07:00

Master and I had a great morning today. We lied in bed all morning with him holding me tightly as we slept in. I love feeling his big strong arms embrace me. I feel so protected by him, and it always makes me feel so submissive to him. Master and I have been getting along much better since we had our fight a couple days ago, and we are getting back into our old routines again. Ive been trying my best to be more submissive, especially since we had that fight, but since we have moved into our new home, he has not set out any new rules, and the old rules have kind of been neglected. Like hes not being as strict about our rules. I wish he would. I want him to write out new rules, and spank my ass when I misbehave. I miss feeling his firm hand on me. I need that structure. I really need a maintenance spanking from him. I want him to show me hes the boss. Its hard to be submissive all the time without having that reinforcement. He doesn't like to spank me when I've been good (unless its playful of course!) but I think he knows that if he doesn't, it will lead to me misbehaving just to get spanked. It just puts me back into reality when he spanks me, and I get so turned on when he is his most dominant. Don't get me wrong, spankings are not pleasurable for me. They hurt! But him having that authority and power over me! It just makes me want to shout fuck me! I think when he reads this tomorrow he will start being the strict Master he was once again. At least i hope. :)

Love's Not Perfect 24/7

2009-08-05T09:15:00.000-07:00

Master and I are back from our little vacation, and we had tons of fun this past week. But that fun soon ended when we got back home. Yesterday we finally awoke in our own home again, but the day did not go as planned. Master and I got into a huge fight. He was angry that I hadn't found a job yet, and in my defense, this was only the first day we have gotten back. It started when we were supposed to go see if I could get my old job back. He told me to get my shoes on so we could go, and I sat there, ignoring him because he was being rude and hurtful. So of course, every submissive knows that when you ignore your Master, nothing good can come of it. He got more angry, and ended up taking off in his truck. So I left too. I went to see if I could get my job back, they told me they didn't know yet. So as I drove back home I called Master to tell him to come back home, and he said some hurtful things and so did I. We were finally home together and still fighting because I told him it seemed that everything was my fault, and he blames me for everything wrong in his life. We have such passion for each other that we fight passionately and it can get intense. I lose my submissive self and yell and slam doors saying he doesn't love me. We both end the fight crying out our love for each other. Then I get a call saying I cant get my old job back. I'm so disappointed, I call and demand why. They tell me its because I got let go for unsatisfactory performance, so I cant come back. Master assures me we have plenty of money and not to worry about it, but I think to myself that if I don't find a job soon, I know this fight will resurface. So I called a temp agency and I got lucky because I have experience in something they are hiring for. I have an appointment to get all registered with them today, so i hope I come home knowing I have a job. More importantly if I do, Master will be reassured, and not stressed anymore. It will be back to the basics with him the HOH. I hate when we fight, but I guess it does have a plus side, good make-up sex. lol

Master's Concerns

2009-07-25T21:46:00.000-07:00

Wow, I just realized, I haven't been on here and wrote anything in a while. Well to me, its a while. I don't know, I just haven't had anything interesting to come blog about. Me and Master have been getting ready for our trip to visit my dad, and last weekend we got our first time home-buyer tax credit. So time has just really seemed to fly by for us lately. Nothing too interesting has been going on with me and Master. He has been overly concerned about his health. And I mean OVERLY. So he has kind of put his HOH duties on the back burner for now, but still has the final say and is controlling money of course, he would never let that one slide lol. So with him being so concerned about his health for no reason, it really started pissing me off and making me upset. Because we have been to the doctors, and they tell him he is a healthy twenty three year old, he just needs to eat better. But its like, everyday its something new with him, his health. One part of the body after the next is what he concerns him self over, so finally yesterday I just broke down and got upset with him telling him that he has no idea what kind of stress this puts on me, and I don't want to think that my husband may have some kind of serious illness because we are supposed to be trying for a baby. How can we if my husband thinks hes sick all the time? It just made me so upset, and he finally apologized and I thought he understood, but then today he kind of started up again, nitpicking over little things about himself. So yeah, I just kind of needed to get that out because it still pisses me off. I'm concerned about him. I just hope things get back to normal soon.

Public Places

2009-07-14T17:38:00.000-07:00

So this weekend me and Master went and met up a couple friends and went out to dinner and a movie. Afterwards we went to a book store, and I was looking for The Story of O but could not find it, so I ended up purchasing Female Submission: The Journals of Madelaine. Wow, such a great book I'm half way through it already. But yeah, I purchased this in secret since our friends were around. Wouldn't want them to think I'm a weirdo. Like the man at the counter who probably did. I don't really like buying erotic things in person. I'm a shy person, but hey you have to do what you have to do. Like sex shops... Master is the one who goes up and pays, and I just stand there next to him trying not to make eye contact lol. So that's exactly what I did the other day, I tried to not make eye contact, but unfortunately Master was busy keeping our friends distracted, so I was all alone.

Besides that, things are looking up for us, I guess our first time home-buyers tax credit will be here next week, and so will our new couch. We are really excited about it. We love going window shopping and thinking of what we will buy with some of that money. Like today we were in Lowe's, he had to go in to get some pipes to fix the sprinklers, and we were also browsing around and I got a little snippy over something I cant remember what, but it was playful. Master didn't think it was too funny, and he told me he would spank my ass right there in the store if I didn't behave. I don't know if he really would have or not, but I wised up and shut up. I asked him if he ever would and he said he might and if someone saw they might just think he was horny. Its funny because honestly, someone would probably think that.

Stressful Situations

2009-07-11T21:40:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have been away from my blog forever! Even though it really wasn't that long, I like to read blogs and update at least once a week. It kind of keeps my behavior in check. But anyways, the reason I haven't been on in about two Weeks or so is because Master and I have been dealing with a lot on our plate lately. For some reason Master was having some chest pains (not heart related), and it really had him worried and stressed. We spent most of the day in the ER on fourth of July. He took a lot of tests including blood work and x-rays to find out what the problem was. Everything came up clean of course. Hes only twenty three. So Master was still worried that following week and on Wednesday he went to urgent care. They didn't find anything, and he spent seventy five dollars for nothing because it was out of network. So that really sucked. Then Friday we went to his doctor appointment, we found out he just needs to change his diet because acid flare ups are what was causing his pain. I know sounds a little weird, but makes a lot of sense at the same time. So not only were we dealing with that, but now I'm worried that my unemployment benefits is in jeopardy because I quit that stupid part time job. I wish I never accepted it in the first place, I wouldn't be in this situation. I know we will be fine financially, Master makes enough money. But you know, I always think the worst, what if: we cant pay our mortgage? Our car payment? Bills? I know all those things will get paid because all of those are Masters first priority, and he reassures me that I will still get my benefits. But I don't know.... So we have just been dealing with a lot more stress than we ought to be.

Well, besides that, Master is just so great. He always makes sure to be there, and reminds me that I'm his submissive wife. Like earlier in the week i was getting an attitude and turned away from him and he grabbed my face and said "Look at me, I'm still your Master. Don't talk to me that way". I love him. I never mean to be disrespectful, sometimes it just happens. I hope things get better around here.

Giving 100%

2009-07-01T19:19:00.000-07:00

I need to learn to behave myself. I want to be reminded that I am his sub 24/7, but we have been busy with other things. I love when he shows his dominance and holds it over me. Lately I haven't been bad or anything, I just haven't been talking to Master with a submissive tone. Being too jokingly with him, like hes my friend, not my Master. He needs to be talked to with respect because he holds high authority. He is the head of household, and of course, everything is finalized by him. I know I play a huge part in him acting out as the dominant, being more pronounced. Because if I'm not being my most submissive self, he will not be his most dominant self. I need to remind myself of this. Both of us need to give 100% equally for the D/s dynamic to be upfront in our home. That's what I want, and I know its what he wants. I'm just selfish sometimes.

Master wants a Baby

2009-06-25T19:58:00.000-07:00

I am so happy with Master right now. He is so sweet, and he wants us to try for a baby so bad now. Its so cute. There are some reasons why we need to wait a few months before we really start trying, but I am at least getting off the pill. Saturday will be my last pill. So until we start trying, I guess master will wear condoms, even though he hates it lol. I was thinking of buying those cyclebeads, but I don't know yet. I just love that Master wants a baby so badly. I cant wait to carry his child. I think a baby will just add to our love for each other.

No Sex in a Week!

2009-06-23T18:04:00.000-07:00

So I am not too happy with that part-time job I got. I don't have hardly any time with Master, and he seems to agree that I should quit. That's not the only thing wrong with it though, they told me I would work a certain shift, and guess what? I'm not working that shift, and so I have no time to be looking for a full time job, and that is why I am getting unemployment, to look for a FULL TIME job. And not only that, today was the first time me and Master got a chance to have sex in a week! And that is because of our schedules. Its awful not having that intimacy between us. Almost makes us feel like roomies or something, just saying hi and bye with I love yous. So anyways, Master told me to just go in there and quit, and not worry about anything. I was worried if it would mess up something with me getting my benefits, but with all the cons, I think I'm okay. And if not, I always can go back to my old job in August. Unemployment is soooo confusing! Master hates that I even have to worry about that. But other than that, nothing much has been going on, well because of that job, and that's sad, and that's why I haven't wrote an update in a week i guess. But everything will get back to normal once I tell my job of the "good" news.

Love is What Matters Most

2009-06-17T20:14:00.000-07:00

This job thing kind of sucks. I mean, I feel good that I am finally contributing to our income, but I really miss being there for Master 24/7. He works nights, so I really miss being able to have dinner made for him before he heads off to work. My schedule varies, and a lot of the time I'm working around dinner times, or I may get off early one night, but he might be working. Or he may be off one night, but I'm stuck working a swing shift. That just sucks to me. But hopefully I might be able to go back to my old job later on and then we can have the same schedules again. I didn't like that job, but at least I'm guaranteed time with Master.
But anyways, since my punishment, things are going good for us. We are being more loving towards each other. Sometimes I think we can just get so caught up in whatever we are doing, that we forget who is right there beside us; our lover, our best friend. The person you would risk your life for. He is my everything, and I just hate when I have those times where I'm consumed by unimportant things and forget that the only thing that matters is that me and my husband have each other. He and I have the best times together when we remember that.

Bad Submissive

2009-06-16T08:01:00.000-07:00

So I was very bad yesterday, I was acting up questioning everything Master told me to do, just not being a good submissive all around. So Finally Master had it, and told me to go get on the bed (that's where he spanks me). So at first, I started acting up, pleading with him that I didn't do anything. And well, you don't do that with J. He expects me to obey and go in the room. But no, I still kept on, and what does that mean in his book? That I will get spanked even harder. I just kept making it worse for my self. So stupid. So finally he got me to get up and walk down the hallway, but not without him having to guide me there, because I was being hesitant. I knew what was in store.
So I got on the bed, and still pleaded because although I had been acting up, I didn't think I was that bad to get the paddle, but Master said I was just making it worse, and that as his submissive I needed to except his punishment. I was wearing very thin pajama pants, and Master said he would go easy and let me keep my pants on, but that did not help at all! He took the paddle, and swatted me so hard on my right cheek, so hard I yelled out in pain. And then he swatted me on the left, and again, so much pain, and it brought tears! It left two little pink marks. That was the hardest he had ever spanked me with the paddle, and I do not anticipate it again. I was so upset after he spanked me, I told him to leave me alone afterwords. Master was proving to me that he is serious about this, and wont let those little things slide.

Happy

2009-06-11T20:20:00.000-07:00

I am so happy and in love with my Master. He is doing so well at being my Dominant. Like earlier today I was being bratty, and Master took a very firm tone with me, and told me to stop and go sit down. I happily submitted, but asked him if I could help him with what he was doing instead of sitting, and he agreed and swatted me once as I left to help. Its amazing how simple things can be when I just submit to him. I love that, and I realize that it is me who determines this harmony. It is my decision to obey and submit to him, and submitting makes him happy. Submitting makes me happy. I just wish I could always remember this, and when I'm acting selfish, to stop and think about if I just do as he says, everything will be smooth. Our household will run how it is supposed to. Master is also being much more dominant about sex, and I am being more submissive. He is ALWAYS dominant when it comes to sex, but I am fully starting to be his slave and when he says he wants something, I do it with a "Yes, Master". This turns us on to no end, so it would make sense for me to just say "Yes Master", instead of saying, "How bout later?" We are both trying to put 100% equally into our DD marriage and I have to say, it is the best thing, and one thing I love is when Im in our office and he comes to check on me, and gives me a kiss on my head, to say he approves of what Im doing. It makes me feel like I am doing a good job as his submissive, and it makes me feel loved.

Updates

2009-06-11T09:25:00.000-07:00

So I went to the doctor on Monday for my yearly and discussed getting off the pill. Everything is good to go, I just need to start taking prenatal vitamins. Master is very happy about that, and still wants me to get off of them after this pack is done. I think I am just going to get off of them for a few months and we will really start trying a few months after that. My doctor says I might not get pregnant for six months so I wonder if we should try sooner? Well it doesn't matter right at this minute. Also, today I got a call to come back for orientation for the job I applied for, so that's exciting!

Master and I have also been talking a lot, and he is going to be much more strict with me, and take a more commanding tone. He even started his own blog! I couldn't believe it. I think that will also help me behave, because I know that he will later blog about me if I have been bad or not. If any of you are interested, he is one of my followers, and is listed as Dominant J.

Some Unexpecting News

2009-06-08T16:19:00.000-07:00

So last night, my husband and I went out with a friend, this is something we do every other week just about. We usually go out to dinner and see a movie with a couple friends. But last night ended unlike any other night had, and changed all of our lives, forever. This friend, has been one of our best friends for eight years, and last night, he came out and told us he was gay. It shocked us both, and I got so emotional and started crying and gave him the biggest hug! I cant imagine how it must have been killing him inside! Its so weird, because he is one of those guys you would never even have the slightest clue about it. After eight years I thought I knew my friend, and in one night, I'm shown I don't really know him at all... I'm very happy for him though, I hope he can finally be happy.

Talking About Our Future

2009-06-06T22:21:00.000-07:00

I wish we didn't have to hide our lifestyle. I love it so much. I just wish people were more understanding. And no, nothing happened, Ive just been thinking about it. But anyways, Master tells me he finally wants me off the pill. I'm happy, but its also kind of scary. Ive been on it for five years. Just the thought of me becoming pregnant is great, but also scary at the same time. We want it to happen, but I always think, will I be ready for it if it happens? Well the fact is, if it happens, you have to become ready. We are ready financially and we are very responsible. And Master is just so great! He cant wait for me to carry his child. I think in the next year would be perfect. And when we do finally have our first child, we want to raise him/her in our HOH lifestyle. Where s/he knows that he is the HOH and everything must be approved by him. I want our child to grow up knowing s/he has two loving parents who work as a team. I would not call him Master in front of him/her, but I think you know what I'm talking about. A home with structure. I never had that, my parents got divorced when I was very young, and his parents always fought. I think that is why me and him are so determined to raise our child in this type of environment. I do remember though when my parents were together, my father did all of the punishments. He was in charge. I love my father, and believe me, he is the one I always make sure I have approval from. I would hate to ever let him down in any way. I was even nervous about telling him when I got engaged! How ridiculous is that? lol. But the point is, me and my husband want to create a great life together, and I can see that he and I make a great team. I love you Master, always and forever! <3

Finally Home

2009-06-04T19:32:00.000-07:00

Well we finally got our Internet hooked up today. Man does not having Internet for a week make you feel lost lol. I feel so out of touch not being able to log onto here and read blogs and see whats going on with other subs. Its always encouraging. Me and Master are also starting to settle into our new home. It was very stressful trying to get our home ready and move and deal with our rental, and ....everything else. I'm just grateful that me and Master can spend some quality time with each other and get back on track with DD. I feel bad because he and I have gotten frustrated with each other and yelled at each other this past week. Like I said, it was stressful. But at the end of every little fight we would turn to each other, give a big hug and kiss and say sorry, because we know that we are a team, and we cant get things done solo. We need each other every step of the way no matter what it is we are doing. But we are very happy, things keep getting better for us, and I hope it stays this way. I even got a call today to go in for an interview tomorrow! I'm so excited! Ive been unemployed since the beginning of February and haven't even had one interview, so now I finally have a shot at getting a job. It wont be as much money as I would like to earn, but for now it will have to do until I go to school, and Master is more than fine with it because he makes a good amount of money. We would be fine just on his salary alone, but I have a car payment so basically that's what my job would be paying for and we love to have spending money, who doesn't? lol. So I just hope everything goes well, and I will definitely post what the verdict is when I find out.

Losing Control

2009-05-21T22:48:00.000-07:00

Okay so I am hoping that by the time we move into our house my attitude will straighten out. I am getting so frustrated with myself! A couple days ago me and Master got into a huge fight. And I admit, it was my fault. I was upset over something and we were laying in bed and I asked why he wasn't cuddling, he said I was upset and wanted me to cool down. And having a good sense now, that was a great response, but I took it the wrong way. I told him that was the last thing I wanted from him, was for him to be distant from me, I wanted him close. Well then I lied there for some odd minutes, still nothing from him, so I got all pissy and stormed out of the room saying "you don't care about me". So I went and sat on the couch, and guess what? He never came, so I'm thinking he is just ignoring me, so I go in the room and slam the door yelling that hes not even paying attention to me. Well, after I left and slammed the bedroom door the second time, Master got very angry and came and yelled at me to get into bed. I was about to, until he said something that hurt my feelings...well everything blew up from there and we had ourselves a little war..... Later after we talk and makeup I find that he wasn't ignoring me, he was asleep so I'm stupid and started a fight for nothing. I felt horrible that I treated Master that way and I asked him to spank me because I would not feel better until he did, even though he forgave me. So yes, Master spanked me. I still feel awful about the whole thing. I love Master! With all of my heart! I cant even believe I let myself get down to that level again. Ive had anger problems in the past, and being submissive really helps, and I let all of that go in an instant over something so stupid. I really hope I can improve myself much more after we get settled in. I want quality time with Master. He believes this is from stress due to the move and everything, but I know there is no excuse for this type of behavior. I have been better the last two days since then, but its still in the back of my mind, that I let Sir down...

Updates and a Thank You

2009-05-14T17:41:00.000-07:00

Okay, so not too much has really been going on as you can tell, lol. But, We just got a call today, and the house we are trying to buy, might be ours tomorrow! We are so excited, and cant wait! I will definately post about the house after we move in, and everything. I hope this wont be my last post till then, but I dont know. We might be really busy trying to get the house move-in ready over the next couple weeks. We need to paint all the rooms, and get all of our new appliances and some blinds, cuz about three windows need blinds, and we need to also replace the garbage disposal. All minor things, which is good. But we are so happy, and we know our puppy will be happy there too. Master and I cant wait, we are sick of giving money up every month for someone elses mortgage, and it will be nice to be able to do whatever we want to our house. Plus, in the next year, we hope to try for our first baby. Something our family keeps pestering us about. lol. So I hope I can update at least once more before we move, but if not, it wont be long until the next. We will be moved in by the first, so its only a couple weeks.

Also, I just wanted to add how much being submissive helps our relationship so much, I dont even know if we would be where we are today if we never took this step in our relationship. We always had our stubborn power battles, and that no longer applies to us. he leads and I follow, but of course, he always listens to what I have to say when I give my opinion, and thats what I love so much about my husband. I think coming on to blogger and reading other submissive posts, and updating my blog keeps me in a submissive state of mind. I see how others are, and learn just what being submissve really is, and I look up to some of you for how devoted you are, and knowing some of your struggles are the same as mine make it so much easier. So I just want to say thank you to all the submissives out there who blog as much as they do, and who read mine as well. I could never do this alone, and it helps knowing there are other women out there who are taking the same path as I am.

My Cycle of Submission

2009-05-13T17:46:00.000-07:00

You know, it seems as if its a never ending cycle for me. Two days good, one day bad, according to my Master. I hate to let him down like this. It makes him think that after he does something nice for me, like take me out for the day, that I end up acting up. Its not like that at all! I want him to know that. I love when he does nice things for me, I love it! And I appreciate every penny that man spends on me. Its just a bit difficult for me to be good 24/7 without a spanking every once in a while. Like I don't feel whole or something. Its so weird. Last night I acted a little bratty, nothing too bad, just childish, and he ended up spanking me. After that I stayed in our room and lied in bed until he came to bed. i felt so terrible, I don't want him to think he cant do nice things for me. I just need some direction every now and then. Sometimes he can let little things slide, and it makes me wonder, what can I get away with? And that's when the child in me comes out to play. Well, I am still learning, but I think I am doing so much better at being his sweet submissive.

Perfect

2009-05-08T19:42:00.001-07:00

That is what I wish to be. Perfect in his eyes. Perfect to my standards. Perfect as in the perfect submissive. I struggle though. Its hard, and Ive been trying to be really serious about our D/s relationship for about a year now. Ive always been submissive though, its who i am. its only been a year since I realized how to put what i am to its fullest potential and who J is to his full self. Hes a dominant male, and to be honest, him having that control over me, that power, it gets us both hot. It turns me on like no other thing ever could. And me being submissive to him not only makes me happy and turns me on, but makes him very happy! but for something that makes us so happy, why is it so hard for me to do? Master tells me its just a matter of breaking so many years of bad habits. This is true....but why? Why cant I just submit in the highest manner possible to him with ease? That's what I want. That's perfection in my eyes. I want to be so submissive that it is noticeable to the public, that he is the dominant, and I obey him. Noticeable in a way that I don't need to call him by his preferred name at home, but people will just know when they see us at a restaurant, watch us in a mall. I'm really hard on myself because I realize that this gets me down and a bit depressed. I know this takes time. but the thing is, I sometimes worry about things I shouldn't even concern myself with. Like money, hes in charge of it, and me finding a job. He tells me he doesn't want me to have one yet, and not to worry, but I still do. I would hate for me to be on my last unemployment check with no job in line. He is always right though, and proves it to me again and again everyday...even though it pisses me off sometimes. lol

Busy Packing

2009-04-30T20:53:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't been on in a bit. Less than i would like, but for good reason! We are in the process of buying our first home, and Master and I are just thrilled! This stuff is almost like a full time job in itself, and of course I have been stressing. So of course, Ive slipped here and there with my not so sweet mouth. But as things are moving more along I'm getting back on track. I also think its because I'm supposed to have my monthly visitor next week, but who knows lol. But I have been busy trying to pack as much stuff as I can because it seems everything is moving quite fast! I mean, we only started looking for a place at the end of last month, but we are very excited. We had our home inspection recently and everything went swell. Nothing major, just minor cosmetic things that need to be fixed.

So I am hoping I will still be able to update a few more times before we move, because we might be without Internet for a couple weeks after we move. Right now we have charter, and to say the least, we hate them! Just for Internet we were paying $40...then out of nowhere, slowly but surely the price crept up, and now, its about $60. And that's ridiculous just for Internet, especially, Internet that doesn't cooperate and is slow at times, and freezes up. I think the price gouge is due to them going out of business. They tried telling us that we were on a promotion, that's why it went up, but sorry for you to hear the truth, we were not. We've had their Internet for almost two years, and I don't know of any company to have a special that lasts a little over a year and a half. Complete bullshit.
But like I said, besides all that nonsense, me and Master are doing great and have a love for each other that just gets bigger every day.

Oh, and I wanted to add one more thing: Everyone please be careful with this swine flu going around, its just awful. I hope no one I know gets it.

Bad Attitude and Punishment

2009-04-16T01:00:00.000-07:00

Tuesday night and Wednesday morning I had a bad attitude (apparently) I say this because most of the time when I give off that nasty tone, i don't really realise it, and I get defensive when Master tells me so. Tuesday night I got spanked many times with his hand (jeans on) and then with the paddle (jeans on). It hurt very bad, and I felt sore and sorry for how I acted. Then Wednesday morning I wasn't being very submissive and was questioning J. He told me this, and I got defensive, because he said I was having an attitude again, and he wanted me to be something, and I wasn't being it (submissive) so this hurt my feelings. We ended up getting into a big fight and he yelled at me for disrespecting him, and swatted me on the ass. I wish our fight had never happened. I agreed to be submissive to him. Later that day we ended up having makeup sex after a talk about me being his submissive and that this fight probably made us stronger as a D/s couple. Sometimes it is just so hard for me to watch my attitude, I don't realise the tone I use until Master gets mad. The good thing is, we are back on track and I am thinking much more before I speak. I think he is molding me into a polite woman, and I am molding him into a strong respectable man. I love him, and am happy we chose this life-style.

I miss quality time with Master

2009-04-11T21:20:00.000-07:00

I cant wait for Master to have his days off. Today is his "Friday". We have been so busy lately because we are trying to buy a house. We have had hardly any time to just be at home and be us. Dominant and submissive. Today, since it is Saturday, we managed to have some time together, we talked about how I still have some learning to do as far as being his complete submissive, and we even had some time to have a nice sexual release. He says that this month he would like to focus on training me some more. He loves that he is the HOH and my Master, and loves when I call him by that. So I am calling him by that 24/7 now, except when we are with family/friends. Calling him Master all the time keeps me in a submissive state of mind. Reminds me that he has the authority, and needs the respect that he deserves. I use to just call him Master when I would ask him something, or when we were in bed. Sir is another favorite, but Master is what he prefers. He told me he loves the fact that he is the Master, my protector, the authority in our marriage. And he always thinks of me, always is concerned of my feelings, and I love him for that. I had him pick out something nice for me to wear tomorrow for Easter. I can't wait to wear it, because I know that's what he wants to see me in.

This is why we keep to our selves

2009-04-09T20:55:00.000-07:00

So I was on google, and decided to do a search on DD in blogs to see if there were any other interesting blogs to get wrapped into. Well, the first thing I saw just proved to me how ignorant people can be. And it reminded me, yes, this is why we keep this to ourselves. This is why I am so secretive with my blog, why I try not to mention too many things that could give my ID away.
So anyways, I clicked on one of the first blogs I saw that popped up. It was some woman ranting and rambling about how this is the most horrible thing she has ever heard of, and basically women that are involved in this type of relationship are stupid. One of her commenter's wrote:
"This is disgusting, abusive, ridiculous, controlling, offensive, violent, sinful, unbelievable, evil...
I could keep going, but I think I have made my point.
I am furious.
I have to go for a walk now to calm down and pray for the women who have subjected themselves to this."

You know, it just kind of upsets me that people think this way, are so close-minded, talk crap about a life-style they know nothing about. You know, if they tried it, I bet they would like it just as much as us, maybe they wouldn't be on such a feminist ego trip, and who knows? Maybe their marriage would be bliss.
I wish I could go out and tell people about DD, about how my husband is my HOH and my Master, and how great it is. I wish that I could be submissive in every way, out in public, for the world to see. But I cant, because people like that would call my husband an abuser. Or say I am stupid and brainwashed. When we are about to have guests, or family over, I have to make sure I go through the house and get rid of any evidence of this lifestyle: posted rules, paddle, notes to Master. Anything. Its kind of ridiculous that I do this, but because of people like that, I'm afraid of what family and friends would say.

Some random thoughts

2009-04-04T20:29:00.000-07:00

All is well, nothing much exciting going on here lol. The only really positive and exciting thing is that we are taking steps to be able to buy our own house soon. Owning will be so much better than renting, and we just can't wait!

I think my submissiveness is improving, I am being more agreeable with Master, not arguing or giving my opinion when he suggests something. I have just been going with it, because I trust him, and know that whatever decision he makes, is a good one. He does everything that is best for us, and would never make a decision without thinking of my needs and wants.

So anyways, besides that, I realized that I have been on the pill for five years! And to tell you the truth, I'm pretty much sick of those damn little things, have been for a while, but I am still on them because it is the best option for us at the moment. I never really liked them when I first got on them either. That was awful, they made me feel like crap, and I would have to eat all the time to feel okay, so yeah, like some women, I gained like fifteen pounds. It sucked. But here I am, five years later, still taking them, and never missed a day. I think it interferes with my sex drive though. I would love to see how I am off of them, but that will have to wait until we buy our house. I did some research and came across the Standard Days Method (SDM). Its a fairly easy way of determining which days you are most fertile. you can also buy Cycle Beads to help you count your cycle, which has color coded beads to let you know which certain days those are. Research says its 95% accurate, but as you know, it varies. So I mentioned this to my husband and asked if we could try this after we move. He was a bit hesitant, and I think its because he would have to wear a condom a few days in the month. He says hes spoiled. Whatever, I think he can sacrifice that, since I sacrificed my health by taking those stupid pills for five years. Its not because of the fear of pregnancy, he wouldn't mind if it happened unexpectedly. So I was wondering, have any of you tried this method of birth control?

Oral Sex

2009-03-27T02:28:00.000-07:00

So tonight, as many nights when my husband is at work, I get extremely bored. So I thought, what better way to use my time than to use it looking up helpful information to better mine and Masters relationship. Master and I have a great sex life, but with me giving him oral sex, there has always been a bit of hesitation from me. He would like me to swallow, and I was never that fond of it. I think its more of a texture thing for me, than the taste. I do understand the importance of swallowing, and I want to be able to do it every time. To me, it symbolizes submissiveness and acceptance of my husband as my Master. Plus, it does seem a bit rude to let him cum in my mouth and then to turn away and spit. It symbolizes rejection, and I think he might feel that. But anyways, I have swallowed a few times, and I am trying to get myself to swallow every time I perform oral on him. I want to make him happy, and I think this would please him greatly. So back to me using my boredom time, I stumbled across this website, and it had so much useful information and tips on swallowing, I just thought I should share. Sorry if this post was TMI, but I think all of you who read this blog know where I'm coming from.
www.dontspitswallow.com

OMG Twilight!!!! (lol)

2009-03-17T22:43:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes, I am a BIG fan, and OMG I cant wait for the movie to be out on video! Yay! My Master pre-ordered it for me last week. I just love the books. I love how Edward is so protective of Bella and always knows whats right for her. Hes so loving towards her. He loves her so much that he would do anything to make her happy, even if it meant hurting himself in the process. They cant survive without each other, it reminds me of me and my Master.

Haha speaking of my Master, he just walked in here and caught a glimpse of what I was writing, and was all "are you writing about Edward?" lol. I said, OMG read the rest of it, Jeez!!!! Hes funny, he read it, and kissed me on the cheek. But anyways, that's why I love the whole Twilight series, it reminds me of us, and I love him!

To Master

2009-03-12T00:47:00.000-07:00

I Love You Master. Always and Forever. We are soulmates.

Feeling Lonely

2009-03-11T17:30:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone, sorry for not updating in a while. Things have been a little hectic. My husband got switched to night shift, and I thought Id be able to handle it. The first week was okay, a little lonely but okay. But tonight, is his first day of his week, and I completely broke down. I feel so lonely. I told Master this as I cried in his arms, and I told him I didn't want him to go. I hate it. I know hes doing this for us, to make more money, but its just really hard on me. I'm happy he understands that. He told me that I don't need to stay at the house, but what am I going to do? Who would I go see? I don't have any close friends where we live, and my family is about an hour away in a different town. I know an hour isn't that far, but the drive I have to take is, and its a bit dangerous. Its a two lane highway the whole way there (just about) and I don't like driving it at night. But anyways, at least me writing this is helping me feel a little better about it.

We also brought a puppy home last Thursday. I guess he can keep me company. Hes very cute. Very playful and he makes me smile.

My Masters paddle came when I thought it would, I had it engraved to say "Obey Master". He loved it! He did end up using it on me. Just one swat, and it hurt! It stung really bad. I do not look forward to him using this in the future, so I guess I will focus on biting my tongue. lol

Not My Best Behavior

2009-02-28T21:16:00.000-08:00

So I was very sick last weekend with the flu and the grogginess that came with it lasted all the way into Wednesday! Horrible. So during this time of being sick, I forgot my submissive ways, and when I started feeling better I let my mouth do what it does best. Talk. But with the attitude that Master hates. I feel bad. Master felt like I didn't respect him, and he is so wrong! I respect him the most out of everyone I know! I told him this. And he does forgive, but as many of you know, Masters aren't easy to forget your wrong doings, and he promised me a spanking with that paddle as soon as it gets here in the mail. I'm dreading it. I know it will hurt worse than his hand. And speaking of spankings, the day I got the flu, I got a good spanking before we left for our outings. I don't remember what i said, it was most likely my attitude as it always is. My tone. And when Master pulled my panties down he noticed a tiny little bruise on my butt cheek, we think it was from the spanking the week before that when he swatted me REAL hard. So he spanked me on my left cheek, because the right one had a bruise. And it hurt! He spanked me multiple times making me say that I will behave and that he is my Master. You would think I would learn to bite my tongue!!!! Well, he knows for sure that once I get a "taste" of that paddle that I will never want it again, and that it should help me to remember to think before I open that sweet little mouth of mine.

Something for Master

2009-02-18T08:39:00.000-08:00

So yesterday I was online, and I wanted to buy something special for Master. So I came across a website that sells custom made paddles. You can even engrave them! So I picked one out and had it engraved. I will tell you what it says after Master gets it, because he reads this sometimes, and I want it to be a surprise for him when he gets it. So I was a little nervous about telling him what I had ordered for him. One, because I had ordered something without asking his permission, and two, would he like it? I ordered this because i want him to know I am serious and dedicated to this lifestyle. So when he got home, I told him i had ordered him a present. Of course he wanted to know the price, and all in all, it wasn't bad at all for an engraved paddle! only $30 dollars for total cost! Shipping is free to U.S and Canada. So he was a little pissed I ordered something without asking, but when he found out what it was, he was overcome by happiness! He said he really wanted one! So this made me very happy, and he said it shows that we are serious. I wish i had found this site during Christmas. it would have made a great present. Oh well! But here is the site, if any of you are interested:
www.woodrage.com

Valentines Day

2009-02-16T08:21:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone! Sorry I haven't really been around too much lately, I guess I was pretty busy with trying to get this unemployment stuff straightened out, and well, when Master is home, I like to spend time with him, rather than be on the computer. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentines Day. I know I did. My husband is so sweet. We did happen to have an unfortunate event happen though. My husband had ordered me a package from pro flowers. It was about $100 dollars, and he had paid extra shipping costs for it to be delivered on Saturday, for Valentines Day. Well it was 2pm and it still had not arrived. So Master went on the computer to track it, and UPS said that an unforeseen event had happened and it could not be delivered. He was very pissed off. He called UPS, and pro flowers to see if there was any way he could pick it up for me. Nope. No way. The whole thing is ridiculous, but he ended up getting the $30 dollar fee for the shipping to be taken off. Why should we pay for the expediated shipping, when we aren't even getting it on time? So I got kind of upset about it, you know, he spent so much money for this to be delivered to me on time, and to find out, its sitting in a truck, I am really hoping the flowers are in good condition. It is supposed to arrive today. I feel like yelling at UPS when they get here, but I must be lady like. I will just accept them with a smile. But the rest of the day was great. We got a hotel room, we tried to have dinner at olive garden, but OH MY GOODNESS was the line long. We had tried to reserve dinner, but um, apparently, they weren't doing reservations for that night. Pretty stupid. So we ended up going to a buffet at one of the nicer casinos. It cost $60 dollars! Well, he said thats what he had planned on spending, maybe more. But it was all good. It was a great dinner. When we got out of the restaurant, the line was stretching into the casino! I couldn't believe it! Good thing we went to dinner a little early (around 5 - 5:30). So then after that we went to a movie, "Hes just not that into you" I thought it was very cute! A little long for just a romantic movie it was like 2 hours, but I liked it, and so did he. Oh and I forgot to mention, he bought me a little bear and we went to See's candies to get a box of chocolate since my package wasn't there. Very sweet of him!

So while we were in our hotel room, we were talking, and he decided that when we got home he would write out a set of rules for me. One for at home, and one for when we are out in public. He has finished the one for at home, since this will be the one used immediately. I'm thinking about posting what he wrote, but I don't know. Its personal to me. So instead, I will just kind of summarize it. Basically it states, he is in control, everything needs to be approved by him, I always need to be available and ready for him, the house clean with dinner ready for him when he gets home, and one rule states that I MUST work out everyday, with no exceptions. So I mean, pretty basic DD rules from the HOH. I cant wait to see what he writes for us when we are out in public.

And to add the cherry on top, I was testing him last night, bad bad me. I was trying to get a rise out of him. I don't know why I did this. I had been so good, for I would say a pretty good long time. I guess maybe, secretly I was craving a maintenance spanking. He doesn't really believe in spanking me if I have been good. So for me asking him to spank me just to keep me in line, is out of the question. I have asked before, and he says If I have been good, why spank? Well sometimes I do need it, or I do get snippy. So anyways, I was just kind of testing him, I mean it was innocent, but he got pretty mad and as we were standing there, he turned me around and whipped my ass right there, really really hard with one swat. So it made me kind of mad, you know, no warning, but it was HIS rules we were playing by. So in that anger i turned and kind of hit him back. Well, that was a HUGE mistake. And I feel bad that I did that. I was the one who wanted this DD relationship, so I needed to accept his punishments, whether they be formal or informal, like that one. So he yelled and told me to get in the room, and he spanked me HARD. I still had my sweats on, but they were thin, and it hurt! Thank God I wasn't wearing a nighty, which I usually wear. But as I said, I feel horrible for that, he told me not to because I got punished, but I know I will never do this again. Well i better end this here, because this looks pretty long lol.

Just a little update

2009-02-04T20:16:00.001-08:00

Hi everyone. Not much exciting has been going on. Ive been a good girl for the most part. So no punishments, all though I would really love to improve my behavior. Not be so outspoken, our joke around so much with my Master. That is what he is. My Master. He needs to be respected, (which he is) and treated so. I should be more formal when speaking with him I guess. He loves and I love that we can speak whats on our minds, but I just feel I should be taken a more respectful tone when speaking with him.

In other news, I did get "walked out" at my job today. I don't find out till Friday if I'm coming back or not. I guess they are supposed to call me. Either way we are not too worried about it. My husband can take care of me and wants me to be at home for a little bit. Unemployment would help out a lot though till I find something else, but till then, I'm just waiting. I love how he cares so much about my happiness. I thought he might be kind of mad, but he isn't. Hes kind of glad because he knows how much I hate that job anyway. But I guess these are just my current thoughts for now, and I really want to improve myself. be the best submissive I can be, and with me being a housewife for a bit, I can always be ready for him when he gets home, and I love that!

This week is getting better

2009-01-21T18:09:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I am really excited and nervous. I recently stated that I will most likely lose my job. I get over fifteen dollars an hour there, and well, I know I will have to settle for less if I want another job. It sucks, but if I don't find another job, I will be screwed. I may or may not be able to get unemployment, and to tell you the truth, I don't want it. I don't want to be in that situation at all. What if I cant find another job within the time frame? Its all crappy to me. lol. So yesterday when I got off work, I went online and just filled out applications for anywhere that was hiring in the city where we will be moving to soon. So I got extremely lucky, and got a call from a clothing store today to come in for an interview tomorrow. I'm thinking the most I will get at this job is ten dollars an hour, but I figure that's better than nothing and my HOH is fine with it. If I get the job there I will be so much happier. I'm miserable where I work now, and we have always discussed if the money is worth it. Its not. I guess things will just be tight. So I'm really excited about it, but extremely nervous. Ive had my job for over two years, with good pay and benefits. But I guess I have no choice because they basically told me I could lose my job, and I know its no lie.

Another exciting thing on my agenda is that we are looking to buy a house, and trying to get approved for a loan. Its so exciting! And this is especially why I need to find a job before I lose the one I have. It sucks, I made so many friends there. But where we are planning to move to, we will be close to family, and our best friends. All this is making me nervous and giving me a headache. But its all good things. We were looking online and found a house we really like. We just need to get the loan, and then we will get to go house hunting! YAY!

And on a D/s note: I'm still getting spanked for my mouth! I just need to keep it shut. I just mouth off sometimes. I need to be more respectful to my master. But I am getting better, sweeter. Im really happy that he is giving me permission to work at a lower paying job, because he knows how miserable I am at this one, getting hassled everyday about my production numbers. I know for sure though, that since he is going to be working harder and bringing in more money, that I need to be on my BEST behavior. I want him to know how much I appreciate what he does for us. He is the best, and I love him!

Not a good week

2009-01-18T18:17:00.000-08:00

So this week has not been too good for me. First things first, I did receive a bad spanking from my master for being annoying. I was just bothering him to bother him and mouthing off. It was very very hard, but he spared me by letting me keep my jeans on. Thank God! If I had been bare, I think I would have had cried to heaven lol. And on a sad note, our cat died this past week. I came home from work early on Wednesday at around 1:30pm, and he was outside, when I let him in he seemed like he didn't feel too good, but he acted fine. But later that night he started throwing up, and he went and laid in the bathtub. Well, we weren't sure what was wrong and hoping he was just sick. Thursday he layed in the bath tub all day long, and didn't get out at all. He looked very weak. Poor little baby. We left that night to be with my mom, she wanted to take us out for dinner since she didn't get to spend time with me on my birthday. It got late, and we stayed at her place. The next morning my husband left early to go home and check on him while i stayed at my moms. He called me with the worst news. He found him lying there in the tub lifeless. I started crying and was really upset all day. He was our first pet together. Our little baby. We had him since he was three or four weeks old. He was so cute when he was that tiny. He had a hard time eating because he was so little, and in between bites you could hear him go mew mew mew. lol. Like little whimpers. Its only been two days since he died. I keep thinking hes going to be there at the front door waiting for me. He was only a year and a half old. Poor lil guy. We think he was poisoned. Maybe anti-freeze. I read some things online. Anti-freeze is common for cat deaths, and his throw up was a greenish color. It said death can occur between 12 and 36 hours, and the symptoms he had seemed like that was it. Our other theory was that he ate a rat that had been poisoned. I don't know. I just miss him, and feel horrible that he went though that. All I know is that the next time we get a cat, it will be strictly indoor. We thought about a Persian. Ive always wanted one. But I miss him. My lil baby. He was such a mamma's boy.

Another crappy thing to happen was at work today. I basically got told I have 90 days to improve or I am fired. Its for productivity again. And The reason its my final is because apparently I had gotten too many first written warnings since February 2008. So yeah, this made me upset. Because I try at work. I don't stand around and talk. I work. I'm just not as fast as other people. My HOH told me to just quit and go do the CNA training they offer in a close-by city. I'm calling them tomorrow to see when the next classes start. He is so sweet. He told me he is sick of me being unhappy and that he will take care of me. The training is five weeks unpaid, but you are guaranteed a job after you get your license. He told me not to worry about not getting paid for five weeks, that he will take care of us. I love him so much, and I am so blessed to be married to him! I'm hoping my week turns out better.

I'm So Cold!

2009-01-07T09:58:00.000-08:00

The past two days have been hell for me. Its in the middle of Winter, in Northern Nevada, and our heater broke! We have someone coming over to fix this problem today, but I am so cold!!!! We had this happen to us last year when we lived in an apartment. This year we are in a house, but why does this have to happen two years in a row? lol We have a little space heater, but it doesn't help much, and those things are dangerous! So I cant leave it on during the night.

But besides all this nonsense, my Master has been getting very strict with me, because I truly do need an attitude adjustment. Like yesterday morning, a perfect example. I am not in the best of moods early in the morning before work. I am not a morning person, and I don't like waking up at 5 am. So i don't even remember what it was about, but I got snippy with him, and he grabbed my arm, spun me around and spanked my ass! I got mad at this, and i grabbed him! So he scolded me. But long story short, I am learning my lesson slowly but surely. I can now see that he is not going to let anything past him. So I guess I am really going to start watching my ass, literally!

To a Great New Year!

2009-01-02T09:48:00.000-08:00

Hello Everyone, I am so sorry, I have not been on in a long long while! I feel bad about it. I like coming on here and sharing my thoughts with all of you, I love reading everyone elses thoughts also. And I wanted to say thank you, AKM, I think I will take your suggestion, and focus on learning how to speak sweetly.
Oh we have been so busy at my job, so much overtime during the Christmas season, which is why I have not had much time to go on here and write. We were working five eleven hour days! in a warehouse! I mean, working eleven hour days or even twelve, wouldn't be so bad if i were in an office, but man, I was worn out! Sometimes I would just get home from work, and be so tired, I wouldn't even want to come log on to the computer. And speaking of computer, another reason I was not on here was the monitor was broken! I guess it just wore out, wouldn't stay on for more than a second. It really sucked! So my Hubby and I just got so sick of it, he said that we are buying a new monitor. I was really happy about that. We went out and bought it on Christmas Eve. I looked to the cheaper Acer brand, but he insisted spending a hundred more on an HP, knowing it was the much better brand. He is very sweet like that.

So anyways, during all this overtime he and I worked, we kind of fell out of our DD ways, I mean it was there, I was respectful and the like, but he let me slip up a lot, and I soon reverted to my old ways. We both, are not pleased with this at all. Last night we had a talk, and decided we needed to get back on track ASAP! So we did, and I did get spanked last night, for not obeying him. Ah I feel that the progress I made is some how lost, but I have been so much better at certain things. Especially in the car. I really need to work on this a lot. I know I'm not the only girl who does this either. lol. When he drives, which is almost always now, I will tell him slow down, and you know, just be a "backseat driver". So what I have been doing is just doing something else while he drives. Fumble with my ipod, read a book, whatever. Because I don't know, I trust him, but I just need to learn to let go. I don't do this when my dad drives, so why should I do this when it is my husband? This is one of the hardest nasty habits of mine to let go. I always say to myself, I will be quiet, but some how i always end up saying something. I guess with time it will get better.

And Kristen, I updated my instant messenger a couple weeks ago, and after I did, somehow your ID got deleted. It was so weird, so don't think I didn't want to message you or anything. If you still have my ID you can request me again if you want.

I also wanted to wish everyone a very Happy New Year in 2009!

A little disappointed in myself...

2008-11-22T19:41:00.000-08:00

Yes, I am a little disappointed in myself. I feel like I haven't been as submissive as I should be. I have been really side tracked with things, and I have lost my intentions of being a submissive wife. I feel awful. I haven't done anything that bad, its just my attitude, and Ive SNAPPED at him, which always make feel so horrible. I feel less than when I do something so low. He didn't spank me or punish me in any matter, but he did tell me he thinks I'm not serious about this, which hurt my feelings. A lot. I guess in a way, it kind of was a punishment. A mental one, and really made me stop and think about how Ive been acting. I hate it! Like right now, I almost want to cry for how un-submissive I've been. It really sucks. I want to improve, and I hope he reads this, so he knows that I am serious, and I do care. I tell him this, but as you know, actions speak louder than words. So I am going to try my hardest to be as submissive as I can. I feel like, not only have I let myself down, but I have truly let him down. He doesn't think I can be a true submissive, that I am all talk. I want to show him who I can be....

And, with other things, as Ive said I have been sidetracked with a lot of things. We have been pretty busy with taking care of the legal things; changing my name. Well, everything was all pretty simple to take care of. We got my name changed on just about everything, I even got my new ID. Well, the last thing, ha, not so easy. We went to the DMV to go change my name on my car's registration, and the lady at the front desk was being so freaking difficult!!!! She would even listen to what we had to say, we had all of the documents and everything, and she said I couldn't change it without the title to my car. And well, we don't have that. Its through a loan with my bank, and I wont get the stupid title till its paid off. So anyways, it was this BIG HUGE hassle, of running back and forth between the bank and the DMV. My husband and I were both very frustrated. Its just changing my last name on the registration, why does it have to be so difficult? So now it is basically in a progress. So hopefully everything goes through fine, and I will be able to change it in a few weeks. Because I guess you can get a fine for having your insurance and registration having different names. Whatever. I just hope it goes through. I just want to relax now. lol. So this is whats been going on in my life and why I haven't been on so often. I hope I can be on here at least every other day, it helps me stay on track. Because I love him, and I want to make him really happy.

I'm Still Alive! lol

2008-11-12T21:52:00.000-08:00

Yes, I'm still alive, I have been so busy, no time to write at all, but the best news of all is that we are finally husband and wife!!!!!! Yay! We are both so happy that it has finally happened! We both are just so happy. But Master is starting to get more strict with me and I need to watch myself. Ive been spanked already! lol. I got spanked last night, i just need to watch my attitude. My tone of voice. Now that he is my husband, he says he is not going to tolerate my attitude. He says I need more training, and I agree. I do. But I am trying my best to be good, because i want to make him happy, and I love him so much, why should I get an attitude with him? I think this weekend, when we are out doing all of our errands and shopping for groceries, I will be on my best behavior to show him how submissive I am to him. I will not stray when we are in the store, and i will always be by his side. I will always ask him for things also. Ive been catching that a lot too. Because a lot of the time I will ask him to do something but not say please, or I will just say, "I'm doing this" without ASKING him. So these are my plans, and we will see how things turn out on Friday. I am so tired right now I better go, and I am sure he is wondering why I am not in bed right now.

So Busy

2008-11-02T19:44:00.000-08:00

Well once again, we have been busy busy busy. But it was so nice to have Thursday to our selves. Our training went very well. He wasn't too demanding, but he caught me getting that attitude in my voice with his requests, and he explained to me that he is testing me, and I need to listen to him. And no spankings that day. I'm proud of myself lol. I can't wait till our wedding day is over. We will finally be back to normal, only things will be better and easier on us both because we will be husband and wife. We will have the same bank account, and he will be taking care of us. And he will be giving me my allowance. You have no idea what a relief it is to have my HOH in charge of EVERYTHING! Its going to be so nice. It will almost feel like he is my daddy, paying for everything. Its a nice feeling, to be taken care of like that. I love him so much, and I am so happy that he is being patient with my family, because he is getting angry because people are upsetting me. I love that he cares like that. He is the only one who truly cares about my feelings. Half of my family could care less if they upset me. Some of them are even acting as if they don't even care about our wedding. Like its not important, because they always seem to have something more important to do than to make sure everything will be ready for our big day! Ah I better just stop now or I will keep going on and on lol.

But another thing that has me kind of down is my job. I got written up for productivity again today. My final one. Its not that I'm off task or anything, because I am ALWAYS working. Its that I'm not fast enough for them. And I'm telling you, If I do get fired, I hope I never ever go back to that place. EVER! Its horrible. Its like they think you are a robot or something! I'm a human being, I can only do so much before i am exhausted! Oh well, I just hope i can find something new before my Master wants to join the Navy. Its miserable there. I don't know if I can wait five months.

Training

2008-10-30T11:10:00.000-07:00

So today my Master is doing training with me. Last night we did a little also, and I already got spanked twice last night. None this morning because I am being a good girl. Sir let me come on the computer for an allowed amount of time today. I will probably be able to go on later tonight to let everyone know how the training went. The spanking last night were just for my mouth basically. Bad habits I have with slight attitude. Typical of what every girl will let slip. But this is why we are training, so I can better myself, and not let my "attitude problem" slip. I want to be the best submissive I can be. Today we are also going over more rules he has for me, and I have asked him to go over how my mannerisms should be toward him in public. He has told me at home, I am never to speak his proper name. It is to be Master, Sir, or the other names we have given to each other. And in bed it is only Master or Sir, while he calls me sweet submissive, or other names. So maybe you can see why I named my blog this? Because I am his sweet submissive. But I had better get off before he comes back from getting lunch, because he did not want me on here long today. Good luck to everyone else with their journey! Hopefully I can post how our training went tonight.

I Love Him

2008-10-29T20:07:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to say that I love my Master so much, and I am getting excited to finally be called HIS wife! Yay! Tomorrow is a day off that we have together with no previous set plans, so we are spending the whole day "training". I am excited! I have been waiting for a day for us to do this. Most of the time we are so busy on our days off that we don't have any alone time to fully be our roles as Dominant and submissive. We are ALWAYS with friends or family. Its nice to have this day together. I also wanted to make note that us women choose this lifestyle. We are not drug into it. It is ultimately up to us if we want to submit to our husbands. I just wish people had a better understanding of this lifestyle. We love each other so much, and would never do anything the other didn't want to do.

Please pray for LovingSub

2008-10-27T20:52:00.000-07:00

Everyone please pray for LS. Her husband has passed, and now is the time that she needs prayer most. It is so horrible that this had to happen to her and her family. Words can not even express how I feel for her. I dont even know what I would do with myself if this happened to me. A DD relationship brings two people so close to each other. One is lost without the other. Please pray for her family that she can get through this. She is someone us girls can look up to for this lifestyle. She is so strong, and I pray that she can stay strong through this.

Its been a while...

2008-10-23T20:25:00.000-07:00

Oh, I have just been so busy lately with my wedding coming up, I have had hardly any time to get on here, or even check my emails. lol. I am so excited about us getting married. Its two weeks away. It feels like I can be fully submissive as his WIFE. It just brings a whole new meaning to it.

But anyways... I just feel bad for LS and AKM. I don't know what this person's problem is, but obviously, he/she doesn't have a life with anything better to do than to go lurking into our lives and be rude. I was on AKM's page a few days ago, and was trying to catch up on his blogs, and just blog after blog this woman (I am so sure it is a woman) keeps writing nasty things about him, and LS. What is the deal? If you don't like it, that's your opinion, but you don't need to go writing stupid childish things about it. I was so tempted to write things back, but then I knew it would just cause problems, and then I would be her next target. Well I wrote something back to AKM anyway, commenting on that person. He needed opinions, so I decided to say a little something. But whatever. If that person wants to be like that, well, its just sad honestly.

But back to me, I really want to be able to get on here and write something every other day. Hopefully after the wedding, I will have more time to. Me and my fiance had gotten a little "relaxed" about our lifestyle lately because we have both been busy. But last night we started getting back on track. We went over a few more rules, and I was submissive to him in every way. I felt so much better about everything after our talk and little training session. I just feel my self when we practice D/s. And now is the time when I really need him to be a strong HOH because I have been getting a little stressed. I am very thankful to have him in my life, and I wish the rest of you great happiness in your marriages. I will try to be on here more often, and to try and catch up on other's blogs, starting tonight.

Been Thinking

2008-09-26T12:10:00.000-07:00

My fiance and I have been discussing something recently and it has had me thinking an awful lot. He recently told me that he is considering joining the Navy after we are married. Not right after, but maybe three or four months down the line. I think it would be great in so many ways, but I am conflicted. Because you see, I'm kind of selfish. I want all the time in the world with him, and if hes in the Navy, there will be times when he will be shipped out to sea for at least a good six months. I have no idea in the world what I would do with all of that free time by myself because we will not have any children, and I do not plan on getting pregnant before he leaves because I want him there through the pregnancy, and when I give birth. I don't want any chance that he could be away when the time comes that I would be due. It would be horrible for me to not have him there in those important days of our lives. But then I think about all of the good things about him joining. We would have our housing paid for, I would be able to quit my stupid dead-end job that I hate so much, and we would have all of the great benefits that they offer. Not to mention he will be able to earn a degree. I have discussed all of things with him already. I have also looked up things on the web about Navy wives and read their blogs. I'm not too worried about anything happening to him because it seems that they just mostly go out to sea. But I am all about supporting him, and I know the reason he wants to do this is to support me and our someday family. I'm just a little worried about it because I don't really know what to expect, so I thought I would just write my thoughts down. Because I think about how lonely it will be if we get sent to another state. I will have no other family near by. I'm sure I would find something to do if we moved. Maybe a part time job, or who knows? Maybe I will have other wives to talk to when hes away. Its going to be hard having to deal without my HOH when hes away. I love his company and I love obeying him.

The Worst Spanking

2008-09-15T20:25:00.000-07:00

Today I had my worst spanking so far. And this morning. At 3:30 am!!!! It still hurts! So you may be thinking, what did I do? Well, he has a little side job on certain mornings at a gym, and this morning, I ended up getting into an argument with him. About tuna sandwiches! So stupid. I know. Well, I was trying my hardest to get lots of sleep because I had gone to bed late last night because I was trying to get a load of laundry done. So naturally, when he wakes up, I end up waking up. Even though he is quiet and is very caring not to make any distractions for me. I guess its just his presence. Well anyways, after he had been up for an hour, he comes into the room telling me I need to make him tuna for his lunch today. So mind you, I am still trying my hardest to sleep. I get all snappy with him saying "you were up for an hour already, why couldn't you have just made it?!" And instead of him stopping this right then in there, his weaker side starts to argue with me about it, and we get into this big huge debate at three something in the morning. So then I start to feel kind of bad, and I text him telling him I don't want to fight with him and he needs to be my HOH. So then he comes into the room, and tells me to pull down my panties. I hesitate because, I really didn't want to be spanked at 3:30 in the morning. So he tells me again more firmly, so with a bit more hesitation, I turn over, and he pulls them down, and starts spanking me so hard! The hardest he has ever spanked me, I was crying out in pain! I was crying so hard that my nose was getting snotty. I was mad that he spanked me that hard. He said he loved me when he was done, and that he doesn't feel bad for spanking me that hard because I questioned him and disobeyed him. But I am very happy and glad now that he did this. I needed it. He was so angry with me. I still feel bad I acted this way, and I told him this tonight, but he said its OK because I got punished for it earlier. God, I wish I could be perfect and hold my tongue! I want our home to be peaceful, a place for him to relax and feel good. Not to get in arguments with me. I know with time I will improve my habits.

Tough Times

2008-08-02T21:50:00.000-07:00

My master and I have been going through a tough week. Things have not been going our way at all. Seems like one thing after another. I dont want to get into detail about these things because Im not sure if someone who knows me personally would ever happen to stumble onto this page. And well, if they did, it would be a dead give away as to who I am. So I will just leave it at this. Tough times. We are so lucky to have each other when things like this happen. I dont know what I would do if I did not have my master here to comfort me. He is my everything. We compliment each other so well. And I am so grateful, and thankful that he has the patience to deal with me. We both love this lifestyle, and I have to admit, its been a little more difficult for me than it has for him. I find myself catching my tongue often, and turning to him, and ASKING him for his approval of things. Before we started all of this, I would just do what I wanted. I did not care what he thought about it. And this to me sounds selfish, and I never want to be like that again. Our love is too important to sacrifice over power struggles. We use to do this a lot, and we would end up arguing and one or both of our feelings would be hurt. He is so great. Im just happy he has patience for me, because I want this too. Its just so hard to change your ways after so many years of doing the same thing. Im surprised we have been together as long as we have while I acted that way. And sometimes I still do. But he corrects me by telling me I am not behaving and that a spanking is on the way. I hope he never gives up on me and this lifestyle we have chosen.
And another thing I wanted to talk about was our wedding.... Since the things that have happend this week, our savings that were going towards the wedding are gone. So the place we both really liked is kind of unreachable for the moment. But you know, this is okay with both of us. We dont want a big wedding. We just want to get married! We want to be husband and wife! We have been together just about six years, and we are through with waiting. We do not want to put the wedding off any further. We both think it is a great idea to just have a little wedding with imediate family and then go out to a resturant afterwards. I like this idea, and as far as I know he could care less about the ceremony. He wants what I want. Just to be married to each other finally. :)

Just Wanting to Please

2008-07-15T21:44:00.000-07:00

I really just wish that I could stay at home right now, and find some kind of job at home. I hate being at work all day, because there is so much to be done at home! I hate having a messy house for my master. I really hate it! If I was at home, the house would be spotless, and dinner would always be ready in time for his return home. I hate that I cant have dinner ready for him the minute he comes home, and have a relaxing environment for him. I barely have time to do the dishes every night on work days. I love the feeling of waiting for his return! I get so excited waiting for him, and it makes me so happy to have all chores done by the time he is home. This is very rare when I have the opportunity to stay at home. But my HOH promises me that when he makes a little more money, that I can stay home. This makes me happy, because all I want to do is please him, and what better way than to have all chores done, and waiting for his arrival? And once he is home, I can please him in so many ways! I love being ready for him to take me! Like tonight, I really wanted him to take me, but he said no because he has to get up extra early tomorrow for his job. So I just sat in the room, on the bed. And he got mad, and told me to leave. I told him I didnt want to, and that I would not bother him, but he insisted I leave. After I dissobeyed, and did not leave, he spanked me. After he was done spanking me, he told me he wanted me to leave because he knew he would be tempted to f**k me if I stayed, and he really needs the sleep. So I felt better about him spanking me, because it was for both of our own good, even though it really stung! I love him so much though! He is my everything!

Being Bad

2008-07-12T18:09:00.001-07:00

So I have been bad the last 2 days... And I feel really down about it. Me and my HOH had a great time yesterday, but my smart mouth was making the good day turn to a bad day. He got VERY angry with me and threatened me with the belt. I pleaded with him not to do this, and that the rest of the night I will be on my best behavior, so I did just that. And I feel really aweful about it because we were out in public, and I was acting up. He did not spank me because I was such a good girl the rest of the night. I was happy that he was happy with me, but I am sad by how I acted out in public. Then today I got spanked, and it hurt! He told me, one more time, I act up like this, I will be getting the belt. Today I broke a rule which was telling him "no" and "i dont want to", so I deserved it for being bratty with him. I really dont want to get spanked with the belt. I really need to learn to just listen and obey him, but it is so hard to do this right now. I know it will get easier with time. We both want this. We love it. When I think about acting out, I just need to stop and realize that I love him, and this is why we have decided to lead a DD life. But he is so sweet to me. Like today, I was feeling really crappy about my body, because I hate how it is right now, and he was there for me, telling me how much he loves me, and my body. How sexy I am. One of our rules is that I need to get to 110, and maintane that weight. I just feel that it will be hard to since I am 156.5 right now. But he is in charge of my diet, and exercises. So he thinks that by 5 months I should be there. I'm hoping sooner. I love him so much, and I love how he cares about me so much.

Just Starting Out.

2008-07-10T18:27:00.000-07:00

I have always been naturally submissive, and I have always looked for ways to be submissive with good structure, and for my man to be dominant ove me. But we had no idea of how to go about this, because we both enjoy being in a D/S relationship. Then, I stumbled on some blogs and websites talking about Domestic Discipline, and mentioning things like Head of Household, strict rules, and of coarse.... spankings. This REALLY caught my eye, because this is what we have been searching for, for a couple of years now. So I got up the courage, and asked my fiance what he thought about it. I talked to him about the main beliefs of domestic discipline, and asked what he thought about it. And to my hearts desire, he loved it! And he agreed to start practicing this kind of relationship. So now, here we are, trying our best to fulfill our duties to one another. We came up with some strict rules, well, he came up with stricter rules, and I am trying my best to follow them. We have been doing this a few days now, and today I was bratty. I guess, I was kind of testing him. To see if he would really follow through and punish me when I needed it. Well... He did. First it was time out standing in a corner, and then when I still wasnt behaving, he took me in the bedroom, made my bottom bare, and spanked me. He actually did this a couple of times today because I slipped up and back talked him, and had an attitude. No one said this lifestyle was easy. Because it is HARD to hold my tongue, but I am learning. Also, he corrected me yesterday at work (we work together). I had gotten a slight attitude, and he pulled me aside and said "Dont think that just because we are here that you can act like that, I will not tolerate it". I loved when he did this. Because it reminded me of who he is, and that I need to respect him at ALL TIMES. I love him so much. Sex has also been better with more of it. I will save this for another post, because he really wants me to get off of the computer right now. But I'd like to end my post with this: I love this life we have created together!