Perfect

That is what I wish to be. Perfect in his eyes. Perfect to my standards. Perfect as in the perfect submissive. I struggle though. Its hard, and Ive been trying to be really serious about our D/s relationship for about a year now. Ive always been submissive though, its who i am. its only been a year since I realized how to put what i am to its fullest potential and who J is to his full self. Hes a dominant male, and to be honest, him having that control over me, that power, it gets us both hot. It turns me on like no other thing ever could. And me being submissive to him not only makes me happy and turns me on, but makes him very happy! but for something that makes us so happy, why is it so hard for me to do? Master tells me its just a matter of breaking so many years of bad habits. This is true....but why? Why cant I just submit in the highest manner possible to him with ease? That's what I want. That's perfection in my eyes. I want to be so submissive that it is noticeable to the public, that he is the dominant, and I obey him. Noticeable in a way that I don't need to call him by his preferred name at home, but people will just know when they see us at a restaurant, watch us in a mall. I'm really hard on myself because I realize that this gets me down and a bit depressed. I know this takes time. but the thing is, I sometimes worry about things I shouldn't even concern myself with. Like money, hes in charge of it, and me finding a job. He tells me he doesn't want me to have one yet, and not to worry, but I still do. I would hate for me to be on my last unemployment check with no job in line. He is always right though, and proves it to me again and again everyday...even though it pisses me off sometimes. lol