Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Just Wanting to Please

I really just wish that I could stay at home right now, and find some kind of job at home. I hate being at work all day, because there is so much to be done at home! I hate having a messy house for my master. I really hate it! If I was at home, the house would be spotless, and dinner would always be ready in time for his return home. I hate that I cant have dinner ready for him the minute he comes home, and have a relaxing environment for him. I barely have time to do the dishes every night on work days. I love the feeling of waiting for his return! I get so excited waiting for him, and it makes me so happy to have all chores done by the time he is home. This is very rare when I have the opportunity to stay at home. But my HOH promises me that when he makes a little more money, that I can stay home. This makes me happy, because all I want to do is please him, and what better way than to have all chores done, and waiting for his arrival? And once he is home, I can please him in so many ways! I love being ready for him to take me! Like tonight, I really wanted him to take me, but he said no because he has to get up extra early tomorrow for his job. So I just sat in the room, on the bed. And he got mad, and told me to leave. I told him I didnt want to, and that I would not bother him, but he insisted I leave. After I dissobeyed, and did not leave, he spanked me. After he was done spanking me, he told me he wanted me to leave because he knew he would be tempted to f**k me if I stayed, and he really needs the sleep. So I felt better about him spanking me, because it was for both of our own good, even though it really stung! I love him so much though! He is my everything!

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Being Bad

So I have been bad the last 2 days... And I feel really down about it. Me and my HOH had a great time yesterday, but my smart mouth was making the good day turn to a bad day. He got VERY angry with me and threatened me with the belt. I pleaded with him not to do this, and that the rest of the night I will be on my best behavior, so I did just that. And I feel really aweful about it because we were out in public, and I was acting up. He did not spank me because I was such a good girl the rest of the night. I was happy that he was happy with me, but I am sad by how I acted out in public. Then today I got spanked, and it hurt! He told me, one more time, I act up like this, I will be getting the belt. Today I broke a rule which was telling him "no" and "i dont want to", so I deserved it for being bratty with him. I really dont want to get spanked with the belt. I really need to learn to just listen and obey him, but it is so hard to do this right now. I know it will get easier with time. We both want this. We love it. When I think about acting out, I just need to stop and realize that I love him, and this is why we have decided to lead a DD life. But he is so sweet to me. Like today, I was feeling really crappy about my body, because I hate how it is right now, and he was there for me, telling me how much he loves me, and my body. How sexy I am. One of our rules is that I need to get to 110, and maintane that weight. I just feel that it will be hard to since I am 156.5 right now. But he is in charge of my diet, and exercises. So he thinks that by 5 months I should be there. I'm hoping sooner. I love him so much, and I love how he cares about me so much.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Just Starting Out.

I have always been naturally submissive, and I have always looked for ways to be submissive with good structure, and for my man to be dominant ove me. But we had no idea of how to go about this, because we both enjoy being in a D/S relationship. Then, I stumbled on some blogs and websites talking about Domestic Discipline, and mentioning things like Head of Household, strict rules, and of coarse.... spankings. This REALLY caught my eye, because this is what we have been searching for, for a couple of years now. So I got up the courage, and asked my fiance what he thought about it. I talked to him about the main beliefs of domestic discipline, and asked what he thought about it. And to my hearts desire, he loved it! And he agreed to start practicing this kind of relationship. So now, here we are, trying our best to fulfill our duties to one another. We came up with some strict rules, well, he came up with stricter rules, and I am trying my best to follow them. We have been doing this a few days now, and today I was bratty. I guess, I was kind of testing him. To see if he would really follow through and punish me when I needed it. Well... He did. First it was time out standing in a corner, and then when I still wasnt behaving, he took me in the bedroom, made my bottom bare, and spanked me. He actually did this a couple of times today because I slipped up and back talked him, and had an attitude. No one said this lifestyle was easy. Because it is HARD to hold my tongue, but I am learning. Also, he corrected me yesterday at work (we work together). I had gotten a slight attitude, and he pulled me aside and said "Dont think that just because we are here that you can act like that, I will not tolerate it". I loved when he did this. Because it reminded me of who he is, and that I need to respect him at ALL TIMES. I love him so much. Sex has also been better with more of it. I will save this for another post, because he really wants me to get off of the computer right now. But I'd like to end my post with this: I love this life we have created together!