Saturday, December 5, 2009

Seeing Master's POV

I haven't been updating as much as I would like to lately, but I cant change the time that has passed, so here is an installment in the best timing I could do.

Being truly dominant has become so natural for Master. He is expressing himself more dominantly from the time we first started exploring DD. He has always been dominant, as I have stated before. A leader, competitive, and strong. Very intelligent and will debate about anything he feels strongly about, and doesn't stop until, in his mind, he wins. I love that about him. I love that he speaks his mind without fear of what someone will think about him. He stands his ground. Which goes into having to do with me. I said its become more natural for him to be Master, which helps me to be more submissive. But sometimes I hate when he is domineering, yet at the same time, he is putting me in my place, reminding me that he is the HOH. I am the submissive wife. What he says goes. Sometimes I hate that though. Like last week some friends wanted to hang out together, and he was already irritated. So as we were on our way, he got even more irritated at who knows what, flipped the car around and said "We are going home!" I thought this was unfair, and had my pouty face on, but Master does not like that. I told him its stupid how he was acting, and he told me that "Its my money and I will spend it how I want". So that was the end of that, and home we went. In my eyes unfair, yet, what he says goes. Another thing that happened was last night. He was at work, and he usually calls me on his first break. I didnt hear anything from him, at all, and I kept calling. I was so worried that something might have happened. I didnt hear from him till six hours later, at his lunch break. He said he couldnt take his first break because he was training some new people. I was so upset, I didnt care what the hell he was doing, he should have taken a break. I told him I was worried something happened, but Master did not like my attitude and told me if I didnt stop he was not going to talk to me until his last break when I would be in a "better" mood. So I didn't stop, and he hung up on me. I think that was mean and harsh considering I was worried. But now, a day later, I see his point. He is the Master and I need to speak to him with the most respect.

So thats what has been going on lately, I will try to update more often. Master likes to read my posts also. :)

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Submitting to Him

I have come to realize that for me to be fully submissive to my husband, I need to follow him in everything. This brings me to the topic of getting a roommate. I am becoming more open to the idea, and I realize, Master is doing this for my benefit. The whole time his reasoning had to do with me. He loves me at home, and would love for my focus to strictly be on school. Im still not ready to accept a roommate at this time, and I am using Master's deadline to my advantage, but when the time comes, I will submit to his decision. He knows this, and Im sure he knew the whole time before he even broached the subject with me because he has been discussing this could be situation with the potential roomie. But in the end I realize I do not have a choice because I agreed to be his submissive.

He told me I have been a good girl lately. I feel I havent been the best to my abilities, but if Master says Im a good girl, thats what I am. I miss him telling me this. I feel most submissive to him when he says things like this to me. I feel loved and the center of his attention and desires. This is why a vanilla relationship will never work for me now. It will never be enough, vanilla relationships are so passive, and I think he feels the same. We need that extra attention to each other. Not to mention sex is so much more amazing with a D/s dynamic, although we sort of had one before reading about DD. I know this is a turn on for both of us, but I think if a vanilla couple were to try it, they might end up liking it too. Our relationship is smooth when we give it our all in our roles. I notice when we slack on being Dominant and submissive, our relationship gets rocky. I may not be the perfect submissive, but at least I can try.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

A Little Update

I have not written in a while so now would be a good time I guess. Lately I feel I have been so "naggy". I hate it, and it just pushes Master away. We both haven't talked to each other in the sweetest voices lately either, and it makes me sad. Especially because we just celebrated our first year of marriage. I know we both have a lot on our shoulders right now, but I think he should try a little harder to be patient with me. He just always seems so irritated with me. Our first year of marriage just seems it was so much harder than it should have been, and we have dealt with so much crap. No newlywed should be so stressed. Its hard to focus on each others happiness when things seem to bare down on you. I think also what has him so irritable is that he is working more and different hours at work and still trying to juggle school. Its really stressful on him, especially since he is the breadwinner and has to worry about all of the bills by himself. He wants to get a roommate if I don't find stable work by February. I really don't want this, and his main reason for this is so I can just stay home while i am in school. Honestly Id rather go get the stupidest job and work instead of having a roommate. If im the homemaker, how am I suppose to keep things "just-so" if we have someone using our stuff and making their own messes all the time. We are married, and really do not need some other person staying here. Even if its a short while. I see the good points, but it also means we will have to keep DD / D/s on the DL, unless we be completely open and scare them away lol.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Our Horrible Incident!

Master and I have been dealing with so much crap lately. We are sooo ready for things to get better. So as any normal couple would do, we resort to sex to ease our stress. Of course, that has to get taken away too! I love pleasing my Master, and now, for who knows how long, I cant please him sexually. It all started a few nights ago, we noticed he had a couple little tiny "tears" on his frenulum. We think it had to do with these other condoms we had tried, that has less lube on them. So the other day, of course we cant help ourselves, think its probably okay. We pop in a porno, and start getting frisky. He gets in me and starts thrusting, and then does one deep hard thrust. He felt something, but didn't think much of it until he pulled out. He was bleeding! Oh my God imagine how worried I was! He had torn the skin again! But more! And this has never happened before. We have been together seven years. Why all the sudden now does this happen? I was so scared for him, I was ready to take him to the ER ASAP!!! Well, Master went online today to see if this has happened to other uncircumcised men. It has, and I guess he will need to go to the doctor to get it snipped. It looks like it hurts. I feel so bad for my Master. What is he to do? I guess we will have to wait till he goes to the doctor before we can have sex again. I still cant believe this happened, and I still have that thought stuck in my head. How horrible! He feels okay by the way, he says it just hurts if he pulls the skin back. Poor Master!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

My Loving Master

The other day I had a breakdown. I feel so useless. I was hoping on this one job, they sounded interested, and then after a week of not returning my call, they tell me they moved on with a better candidate. I just broke down and started crying. Its going to be a year soon since I had a full time job. Master came over and just held me and let me cry in his arms. He reassured me we are okay, but I know the stress of making sure all our bills are paid is catching up with us. We would be well off if we didn't have like five credit card bills and if we didn't have my stupid car payment. But I'm thankful he can pay for everything, even if we don't really have any spending money left over. I love being at home with him anyways. We don't need to go out every weekend. He probably thinks I don't feel this way, but its true. The only reason I ever suggest going somewhere is because our friends ask us to meet them somewhere. But I realize there are times when we need to say no now. We just simply cant afford it, and Ive already told them no this last weekend. Kind of sucks, but if it means being at home with my Master and him not stressing about money, I'm very happy because the most important bill of all is our mortgage.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Making Him Proud

Today Master read my post, and while I was cooking dinner, he came and hugged me and told me he is glad I see it that way. That I understand. That made me so happy. I love getting approval from him, but I am going to really work on listening to him better because I know that when I don't, it just pushes him away. I feel bad he is at work right now. We both haven't felt that great today, so to make it up to him, when I came to visit him on his break, I tried to make him feel as relaxed and calm as possible. I rubbed his neck and stroked my fingers through his hair. I could tell he was enjoying it, he had his eyes closed. He wanted to come home so bad and sleep because today he did not get much sleep before work. I'm going to try and make sure there are no disturbances while hes sleeping.

But in other news, I am pretty proud of myself today. There was this website that was having a special on something I really wanted to buy, and I asked Master if I could buy it, and he said no because he already let me spend $60 this week. I could have easily just bought it without asking, or even bought it after he said no. But today I obeyed. I did not buy it, and it was something fairly cheap too. It wouldn't have made a big difference in our account at all, but it would be wrong for me to disobey him, and I know it would anger him. So today I accomplished something small, but too me it was big in the world of being subservient. Shopping is my weakness. So I'm hoping tomorrow will start off well for us, and maybe he will read this post, to see how big of an accomplishment that is to me. I know its kind of dumb, but if we weren't into this dynamic, I wouldn't have gave a shit, and I would have bought it anyways.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Master's Lectures

I had wrote a post of me ranting about Master lecturing me. It seems he ALWAYS is. But I read Kajira's post, and it showed me that he is lecturing me so much to get it into my head, for me to be a better submissive to him. I did not think of it this way. No, I thought he was just being flat out mean to me. But for me to publish that last post would be mean to him. He does his best to make sure things are paid for and that I have things I need. He doesn't have to do this. And he tells me this. He tells me he could just kick me out on the street. And this is what really makes me upset, but you know something, its true. It hurts to hear that from him, but he is right, and I realize he tells me this to show me how much he loves me. He loves me so much that he would never do that, even though he has the complete power and control to do so. In some ways that scares me. That he has that much power over me. But I love that he does have this control. It is the control and leadership I want and need from him. He said this to me again today, and it was in a very mean and hurtful way. It really took a hit to my heart. He said this because he was lecturing me, and I got pissed at him. I hate that I get mad about it, but in the end, whatever it may be that he is lecturing me about, I know he is right. I just need to learn to take a different approach to this. Like sit there, be quiet and take in everything hes saying as if it were the word of God. He gets upset with me when I don't listen, and it is disrespectful. I'm trying to improve this and I want to make him happy. He leads, and I follow. I just have to keep that in mind when a lecture starts.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Master's Request

Master said something interesting to me today. And how this happened was that I was challenging him to be my Master. Act more like my Master because he has been so lax on it lately. I did not say this in a rude way at all, and he did not take it that way either. He responded with "are you going to be my sweet submissive?" And I said, "if you be my Master". So he asked me if I could write out what kinds of things I guess I would expect of him as the Master. He said he will not follow them because he is the Master, but he is curious as to what I perceive him to be as my Master. Hmmm, he has never asked me this before, but I think he asked me this because I asked him to be more strict with me. I need more guidance from him. I don't feel like his submissive in life without his firm hand guiding me. I don't know what I will write to him, but I will post it. We definitely do not have an issue of him being his role in the bedroom of course, I just wish he would be that dominant with me 24/7. I love it!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Always Master's Girl

So I feel like I have been missing for a while, I hate not being able to log in here, its like part of my life because no one knows about our lifestyle besides us, and other bloggers. I like being able to talk about DD things, and I love reading other blogs. So lots of things have been going on lately. Master and I are now in school, and he is trying to balance school and work, while trying to get some sleep and be my Master all at the same time! Sometimes I feel awful that he is in this position. Maybe it would be easier if I had a job? I'm still trying to find one. Master doesn't mind too much anymore now that I am in school. He likes that I can concentrate on my school work. I just don't want him to put school off because his job is more important at the moment. In the long run that job ain't shit, but he is making a good living and is able to support us.

About two weeks ago Master was really stressed with the situation and wasn't sure if he could be my Master, wanted to be my Master. I locked myself in our room and wrote him a letter as to why he NEEDS to be the HOH and my Master. And in the note one of the things I said was that our personalities, and astrological signs just are not compatible when both of us try and work equally. He is a Sagittarius and I am a Capricorn. We either complement each other, or destroy each other. He knows this from experience. We had awful fights before this. And not to mention, we both love that he dominates me. We both get off on it, theres no doubt about that. But I think one of the things that led him to think this way was because I was not being "completely" submissive. I think my actions made him self conscious about the leader he is. I would just revert back to my old habits and not listen to him and be argumentative. I don't know why I do this, it is not the person I want to be. I want to be his submissive, and I am his submissive so I need to act like it. I just want him to know that no matter what, I am always his sweet submissive girl.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Busy with Life

I know some of you are looking forward to seeing my rules posted on my blog. I'm sorry it is taking so long for me to post them. Master and I have been so busy dealing with life. We are trying to get ready for college, I'm also trying to find a job, and his brother is getting married soon. We are just way too busy at the moment. Master still needs to finish the rules, he has a page done, but I don't want to post anything until they are complete, because some of them kind of fall into each other. Its like whenever we have a free moment, we just want to relax with each other, or when we are home sometimes it seems there is just more house duties for me to complete because we were out and about all day. I hope things slow down a bit soon, Master is stressed again. Just more and more bills, and I feel like hes stressed because of me. Because I don't have a job right now. All of his worries are centered around me and my situation. He hurts my feelings about this, and when I tell him, he says sorry and that we will be okay, but its like in a couple days it resurfaces. I am trying so hard to find work, but there is only so much I can do. I almost had a job, but then the guy decided he wasn't ready to hire me yet. I don't know what the deal is, but it just let me and Master both down. We thought our problems were solved, but they are not. Not yet. So once the rules are finished and in place, i will post them. It just seems like since Master is stressed, that this has been set aside for the time being. I hope things get better. I want things to be how they were.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Master's Rules

I'm so happy! Master is getting more strict. He has finally taken an interest in writing out my new rules! He already has almost a whole page filled with his expectations of me, and he says he plans to continue them and write another page for me. I'm so happy he is doing this, because I really need structure, and without knowing exactly what he expects of me, how am I to be my best submissive self for him? I love that now I will have some strict guidelines to follow. I noticed that one of the things he has decided on doing was weekly maintenance spankings. He feels I need it. It brings structure to my life. I am happy he has decided to do this for me. I made a promise to him that whatever he has written down, I will try my best to live up to those standards everyday. So I asked him not to leave anything out. I cant wait until he is done writing everything down, I will probably post a few here that seem to stand out the most.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Making Plans

I feel like I haven't updated in a while, so because of this I'm just going to write something lol. I haven't even been able to come on here and read everyones posts since I last wrote. I hate that, I love reading everyones blogs. But anyways, Ive just been really busy trying to find a job to please my Master. One of our fights was over him thinking I don't try hard enough. So I am proving to him, i am trying as hard as I can. I hope I get a call from someone soon. We also have been busy trying to think up a plan for our lives. We want to be successful, and obviously give our child luxuries once we have one, so Master has decided he is starting some college next month, and I might be too. I have an appointment with a counselor tomorrow. We have both decided paralegal would be the best fit for me. Master was the one who first suggested it to me, and I didn't have that big of an interest in it, it sounded boring. But when I talked to the counselor, she told me there are so many things I can do with it, and so many different places I can work for. But other than all of this, nothing much has been going on. Everything is pretty calm and neutral in our house. No reason for me not to obey, and no special orders coming from him. Although the past couple nights I haven't cleaned the dishes before bed, and I wonder if he has noticed. He hasn't said anything to me yet. I'm not really asking for a spanking, just his authority. But hes been caught up in his thoughts. He is trying to rebuild a 68 Mustang, and that has him all giddy. Oh, and I did start to read Fascinating Womanhood. It is a classic about women being submissive to their husband and basically just how to appreciate him more and be more pleasing to him. They say it has helped many marriages, and I don't doubt that, think about your DD or M/s relationship, you obey your Master and it makes things right. And in this book she is teaching women to obey their husband. I personally think a D/s M/s relationship is delightful, so much more intense love than just simply obeying your husband, but its a good start for every wife, and the book is enjoyable to read.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

A Common Mistake Subs Make

So today I did something very unsubmissive. I was arguing with my Master. He had called me on his way to work and was having me look for his watch that he misplaced, and I could not find it. I didn't place it anywhere and I had no clue where to look. I looked at all the places he told me to look... No watch. So I told him this, and that if he wanted me to find his watch he would need to tell me where it was. So he got all mad at me, hung up the phone, and came storming in the house a couple minutes later. So he found it, and told me that I didn't look hard enough! So of course this made me mad, and I yelled at him saying how the hell am I supposed to know where he keeps his things? I didn't put it anywhere! So of course he gets mad at me for saying this to him, because the correct thing would have been "sorry Master but I couldn't find your watch for you". Every sub makes mistakes sometimes, I'm just glad this didn't turn into a worse fight than it was. I hope next time I will be able to say the right things, because I always feel like he thinks less of me when I say the wrong thing.

Saturday, August 8, 2009


So today was a pretty good day. A nice Saturday. Master did tell me he will be writing out my rules soon, but he has been working, and much of his time this week has been concerned with fixing things during the day,and working by night. So as you can see, no time to write rules out or to update his blog. And Ive been busy helping him with everything, making sure he gets his sexual needs met and trying to make sure all my chores are done. Which a couple did not get done last night. I thought he wouldn't notice, but he did. I got tired last night, and I didn't clean the kitchen before bed, the counters were clean, but there were dirty dishes in the sink and a few things laying out. I also didn't do laundry like I should have done. But all those chores got done today of course, but Master let me know that he noticed. Before he left for work tonight, he gave me a very stern warning. He told me that the kitchen better be clean, and the laundry done when he gets home, or I will get a spanking. He says he will be able to write out my rules on his days off, and I hope so, because right now hes just been telling me things as we go. I like to see things written down. Its more final.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Needing a Spanking

Master and I had a great morning today. We lied in bed all morning with him holding me tightly as we slept in. I love feeling his big strong arms embrace me. I feel so protected by him, and it always makes me feel so submissive to him. Master and I have been getting along much better since we had our fight a couple days ago, and we are getting back into our old routines again. Ive been trying my best to be more submissive, especially since we had that fight, but since we have moved into our new home, he has not set out any new rules, and the old rules have kind of been neglected. Like hes not being as strict about our rules. I wish he would. I want him to write out new rules, and spank my ass when I misbehave. I miss feeling his firm hand on me. I need that structure. I really need a maintenance spanking from him. I want him to show me hes the boss. Its hard to be submissive all the time without having that reinforcement. He doesn't like to spank me when I've been good (unless its playful of course!) but I think he knows that if he doesn't, it will lead to me misbehaving just to get spanked. It just puts me back into reality when he spanks me, and I get so turned on when he is his most dominant. Don't get me wrong, spankings are not pleasurable for me. They hurt! But him having that authority and power over me! It just makes me want to shout fuck me! I think when he reads this tomorrow he will start being the strict Master he was once again. At least i hope. :)

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Love's Not Perfect 24/7

Master and I are back from our little vacation, and we had tons of fun this past week. But that fun soon ended when we got back home. Yesterday we finally awoke in our own home again, but the day did not go as planned. Master and I got into a huge fight. He was angry that I hadn't found a job yet, and in my defense, this was only the first day we have gotten back. It started when we were supposed to go see if I could get my old job back. He told me to get my shoes on so we could go, and I sat there, ignoring him because he was being rude and hurtful. So of course, every submissive knows that when you ignore your Master, nothing good can come of it. He got more angry, and ended up taking off in his truck. So I left too. I went to see if I could get my job back, they told me they didn't know yet. So as I drove back home I called Master to tell him to come back home, and he said some hurtful things and so did I. We were finally home together and still fighting because I told him it seemed that everything was my fault, and he blames me for everything wrong in his life. We have such passion for each other that we fight passionately and it can get intense. I lose my submissive self and yell and slam doors saying he doesn't love me. We both end the fight crying out our love for each other. Then I get a call saying I cant get my old job back. I'm so disappointed, I call and demand why. They tell me its because I got let go for unsatisfactory performance, so I cant come back. Master assures me we have plenty of money and not to worry about it, but I think to myself that if I don't find a job soon, I know this fight will resurface. So I called a temp agency and I got lucky because I have experience in something they are hiring for. I have an appointment to get all registered with them today, so i hope I come home knowing I have a job. More importantly if I do, Master will be reassured, and not stressed anymore. It will be back to the basics with him the HOH. I hate when we fight, but I guess it does have a plus side, good make-up sex. lol

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Master's Concerns

Wow, I just realized, I haven't been on here and wrote anything in a while. Well to me, its a while. I don't know, I just haven't had anything interesting to come blog about. Me and Master have been getting ready for our trip to visit my dad, and last weekend we got our first time home-buyer tax credit. So time has just really seemed to fly by for us lately. Nothing too interesting has been going on with me and Master. He has been overly concerned about his health. And I mean OVERLY. So he has kind of put his HOH duties on the back burner for now, but still has the final say and is controlling money of course, he would never let that one slide lol. So with him being so concerned about his health for no reason, it really started pissing me off and making me upset. Because we have been to the doctors, and they tell him he is a healthy twenty three year old, he just needs to eat better. But its like, everyday its something new with him, his health. One part of the body after the next is what he concerns him self over, so finally yesterday I just broke down and got upset with him telling him that he has no idea what kind of stress this puts on me, and I don't want to think that my husband may have some kind of serious illness because we are supposed to be trying for a baby. How can we if my husband thinks hes sick all the time? It just made me so upset, and he finally apologized and I thought he understood, but then today he kind of started up again, nitpicking over little things about himself. So yeah, I just kind of needed to get that out because it still pisses me off. I'm concerned about him. I just hope things get back to normal soon.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Public Places

So this weekend me and Master went and met up a couple friends and went out to dinner and a movie. Afterwards we went to a book store, and I was looking for The Story of O but could not find it, so I ended up purchasing Female Submission: The Journals of Madelaine. Wow, such a great book I'm half way through it already. But yeah, I purchased this in secret since our friends were around. Wouldn't want them to think I'm a weirdo. Like the man at the counter who probably did. I don't really like buying erotic things in person. I'm a shy person, but hey you have to do what you have to do. Like sex shops... Master is the one who goes up and pays, and I just stand there next to him trying not to make eye contact lol. So that's exactly what I did the other day, I tried to not make eye contact, but unfortunately Master was busy keeping our friends distracted, so I was all alone.

Besides that, things are looking up for us, I guess our first time home-buyers tax credit will be here next week, and so will our new couch. We are really excited about it. We love going window shopping and thinking of what we will buy with some of that money. Like today we were in Lowe's, he had to go in to get some pipes to fix the sprinklers, and we were also browsing around and I got a little snippy over something I cant remember what, but it was playful. Master didn't think it was too funny, and he told me he would spank my ass right there in the store if I didn't behave. I don't know if he really would have or not, but I wised up and shut up. I asked him if he ever would and he said he might and if someone saw they might just think he was horny. Its funny because honestly, someone would probably think that.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Stressful Situations

I feel like I have been away from my blog forever! Even though it really wasn't that long, I like to read blogs and update at least once a week. It kind of keeps my behavior in check. But anyways, the reason I haven't been on in about two Weeks or so is because Master and I have been dealing with a lot on our plate lately. For some reason Master was having some chest pains (not heart related), and it really had him worried and stressed. We spent most of the day in the ER on fourth of July. He took a lot of tests including blood work and x-rays to find out what the problem was. Everything came up clean of course. Hes only twenty three. So Master was still worried that following week and on Wednesday he went to urgent care. They didn't find anything, and he spent seventy five dollars for nothing because it was out of network. So that really sucked. Then Friday we went to his doctor appointment, we found out he just needs to change his diet because acid flare ups are what was causing his pain. I know sounds a little weird, but makes a lot of sense at the same time. So not only were we dealing with that, but now I'm worried that my unemployment benefits is in jeopardy because I quit that stupid part time job. I wish I never accepted it in the first place, I wouldn't be in this situation. I know we will be fine financially, Master makes enough money. But you know, I always think the worst, what if: we cant pay our mortgage? Our car payment? Bills? I know all those things will get paid because all of those are Masters first priority, and he reassures me that I will still get my benefits. But I don't know.... So we have just been dealing with a lot more stress than we ought to be.

Well, besides that, Master is just so great. He always makes sure to be there, and reminds me that I'm his submissive wife. Like earlier in the week i was getting an attitude and turned away from him and he grabbed my face and said "Look at me, I'm still your Master. Don't talk to me that way". I love him. I never mean to be disrespectful, sometimes it just happens. I hope things get better around here.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Giving 100%

I need to learn to behave myself. I want to be reminded that I am his sub 24/7, but we have been busy with other things. I love when he shows his dominance and holds it over me. Lately I haven't been bad or anything, I just haven't been talking to Master with a submissive tone. Being too jokingly with him, like hes my friend, not my Master. He needs to be talked to with respect because he holds high authority. He is the head of household, and of course, everything is finalized by him. I know I play a huge part in him acting out as the dominant, being more pronounced. Because if I'm not being my most submissive self, he will not be his most dominant self. I need to remind myself of this. Both of us need to give 100% equally for the D/s dynamic to be upfront in our home. That's what I want, and I know its what he wants. I'm just selfish sometimes.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Master wants a Baby

I am so happy with Master right now. He is so sweet, and he wants us to try for a baby so bad now. Its so cute. There are some reasons why we need to wait a few months before we really start trying, but I am at least getting off the pill. Saturday will be my last pill. So until we start trying, I guess master will wear condoms, even though he hates it lol. I was thinking of buying those cyclebeads, but I don't know yet. I just love that Master wants a baby so badly. I cant wait to carry his child. I think a baby will just add to our love for each other.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

No Sex in a Week!

So I am not too happy with that part-time job I got. I don't have hardly any time with Master, and he seems to agree that I should quit. That's not the only thing wrong with it though, they told me I would work a certain shift, and guess what? I'm not working that shift, and so I have no time to be looking for a full time job, and that is why I am getting unemployment, to look for a FULL TIME job. And not only that, today was the first time me and Master got a chance to have sex in a week! And that is because of our schedules. Its awful not having that intimacy between us. Almost makes us feel like roomies or something, just saying hi and bye with I love yous. So anyways, Master told me to just go in there and quit, and not worry about anything. I was worried if it would mess up something with me getting my benefits, but with all the cons, I think I'm okay. And if not, I always can go back to my old job in August. Unemployment is soooo confusing! Master hates that I even have to worry about that. But other than that, nothing much has been going on, well because of that job, and that's sad, and that's why I haven't wrote an update in a week i guess. But everything will get back to normal once I tell my job of the "good" news.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Love is What Matters Most

This job thing kind of sucks. I mean, I feel good that I am finally contributing to our income, but I really miss being there for Master 24/7. He works nights, so I really miss being able to have dinner made for him before he heads off to work. My schedule varies, and a lot of the time I'm working around dinner times, or I may get off early one night, but he might be working. Or he may be off one night, but I'm stuck working a swing shift. That just sucks to me. But hopefully I might be able to go back to my old job later on and then we can have the same schedules again. I didn't like that job, but at least I'm guaranteed time with Master.
But anyways, since my punishment, things are going good for us. We are being more loving towards each other. Sometimes I think we can just get so caught up in whatever we are doing, that we forget who is right there beside us; our lover, our best friend. The person you would risk your life for. He is my everything, and I just hate when I have those times where I'm consumed by unimportant things and forget that the only thing that matters is that me and my husband have each other. He and I have the best times together when we remember that.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Bad Submissive

So I was very bad yesterday, I was acting up questioning everything Master told me to do, just not being a good submissive all around. So Finally Master had it, and told me to go get on the bed (that's where he spanks me). So at first, I started acting up, pleading with him that I didn't do anything. And well, you don't do that with J. He expects me to obey and go in the room. But no, I still kept on, and what does that mean in his book? That I will get spanked even harder. I just kept making it worse for my self. So stupid. So finally he got me to get up and walk down the hallway, but not without him having to guide me there, because I was being hesitant. I knew what was in store.
So I got on the bed, and still pleaded because although I had been acting up, I didn't think I was that bad to get the paddle, but Master said I was just making it worse, and that as his submissive I needed to except his punishment. I was wearing very thin pajama pants, and Master said he would go easy and let me keep my pants on, but that did not help at all! He took the paddle, and swatted me so hard on my right cheek, so hard I yelled out in pain. And then he swatted me on the left, and again, so much pain, and it brought tears! It left two little pink marks. That was the hardest he had ever spanked me with the paddle, and I do not anticipate it again. I was so upset after he spanked me, I told him to leave me alone afterwords. Master was proving to me that he is serious about this, and wont let those little things slide.

Thursday, June 11, 2009


I am so happy and in love with my Master. He is doing so well at being my Dominant. Like earlier today I was being bratty, and Master took a very firm tone with me, and told me to stop and go sit down. I happily submitted, but asked him if I could help him with what he was doing instead of sitting, and he agreed and swatted me once as I left to help. Its amazing how simple things can be when I just submit to him. I love that, and I realize that it is me who determines this harmony. It is my decision to obey and submit to him, and submitting makes him happy. Submitting makes me happy. I just wish I could always remember this, and when I'm acting selfish, to stop and think about if I just do as he says, everything will be smooth. Our household will run how it is supposed to. Master is also being much more dominant about sex, and I am being more submissive. He is ALWAYS dominant when it comes to sex, but I am fully starting to be his slave and when he says he wants something, I do it with a "Yes, Master". This turns us on to no end, so it would make sense for me to just say "Yes Master", instead of saying, "How bout later?" We are both trying to put 100% equally into our DD marriage and I have to say, it is the best thing, and one thing I love is when Im in our office and he comes to check on me, and gives me a kiss on my head, to say he approves of what Im doing. It makes me feel like I am doing a good job as his submissive, and it makes me feel loved.


So I went to the doctor on Monday for my yearly and discussed getting off the pill. Everything is good to go, I just need to start taking prenatal vitamins. Master is very happy about that, and still wants me to get off of them after this pack is done. I think I am just going to get off of them for a few months and we will really start trying a few months after that. My doctor says I might not get pregnant for six months so I wonder if we should try sooner? Well it doesn't matter right at this minute. Also, today I got a call to come back for orientation for the job I applied for, so that's exciting!

Master and I have also been talking a lot, and he is going to be much more strict with me, and take a more commanding tone. He even started his own blog! I couldn't believe it. I think that will also help me behave, because I know that he will later blog about me if I have been bad or not. If any of you are interested, he is one of my followers, and is listed as Dominant J.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Some Unexpecting News

So last night, my husband and I went out with a friend, this is something we do every other week just about. We usually go out to dinner and see a movie with a couple friends. But last night ended unlike any other night had, and changed all of our lives, forever. This friend, has been one of our best friends for eight years, and last night, he came out and told us he was gay. It shocked us both, and I got so emotional and started crying and gave him the biggest hug! I cant imagine how it must have been killing him inside! Its so weird, because he is one of those guys you would never even have the slightest clue about it. After eight years I thought I knew my friend, and in one night, I'm shown I don't really know him at all... I'm very happy for him though, I hope he can finally be happy.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Talking About Our Future

I wish we didn't have to hide our lifestyle. I love it so much. I just wish people were more understanding. And no, nothing happened, Ive just been thinking about it. But anyways, Master tells me he finally wants me off the pill. I'm happy, but its also kind of scary. Ive been on it for five years. Just the thought of me becoming pregnant is great, but also scary at the same time. We want it to happen, but I always think, will I be ready for it if it happens? Well the fact is, if it happens, you have to become ready. We are ready financially and we are very responsible. And Master is just so great! He cant wait for me to carry his child. I think in the next year would be perfect. And when we do finally have our first child, we want to raise him/her in our HOH lifestyle. Where s/he knows that he is the HOH and everything must be approved by him. I want our child to grow up knowing s/he has two loving parents who work as a team. I would not call him Master in front of him/her, but I think you know what I'm talking about. A home with structure. I never had that, my parents got divorced when I was very young, and his parents always fought. I think that is why me and him are so determined to raise our child in this type of environment. I do remember though when my parents were together, my father did all of the punishments. He was in charge. I love my father, and believe me, he is the one I always make sure I have approval from. I would hate to ever let him down in any way. I was even nervous about telling him when I got engaged! How ridiculous is that? lol. But the point is, me and my husband want to create a great life together, and I can see that he and I make a great team. I love you Master, always and forever! <3

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Finally Home

Well we finally got our Internet hooked up today. Man does not having Internet for a week make you feel lost lol. I feel so out of touch not being able to log onto here and read blogs and see whats going on with other subs. Its always encouraging. Me and Master are also starting to settle into our new home. It was very stressful trying to get our home ready and move and deal with our rental, and ....everything else. I'm just grateful that me and Master can spend some quality time with each other and get back on track with DD. I feel bad because he and I have gotten frustrated with each other and yelled at each other this past week. Like I said, it was stressful. But at the end of every little fight we would turn to each other, give a big hug and kiss and say sorry, because we know that we are a team, and we cant get things done solo. We need each other every step of the way no matter what it is we are doing. But we are very happy, things keep getting better for us, and I hope it stays this way. I even got a call today to go in for an interview tomorrow! I'm so excited! Ive been unemployed since the beginning of February and haven't even had one interview, so now I finally have a shot at getting a job. It wont be as much money as I would like to earn, but for now it will have to do until I go to school, and Master is more than fine with it because he makes a good amount of money. We would be fine just on his salary alone, but I have a car payment so basically that's what my job would be paying for and we love to have spending money, who doesn't? lol. So I just hope everything goes well, and I will definitely post what the verdict is when I find out.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Losing Control

Okay so I am hoping that by the time we move into our house my attitude will straighten out. I am getting so frustrated with myself! A couple days ago me and Master got into a huge fight. And I admit, it was my fault. I was upset over something and we were laying in bed and I asked why he wasn't cuddling, he said I was upset and wanted me to cool down. And having a good sense now, that was a great response, but I took it the wrong way. I told him that was the last thing I wanted from him, was for him to be distant from me, I wanted him close. Well then I lied there for some odd minutes, still nothing from him, so I got all pissy and stormed out of the room saying "you don't care about me". So I went and sat on the couch, and guess what? He never came, so I'm thinking he is just ignoring me, so I go in the room and slam the door yelling that hes not even paying attention to me. Well, after I left and slammed the bedroom door the second time, Master got very angry and came and yelled at me to get into bed. I was about to, until he said something that hurt my feelings...well everything blew up from there and we had ourselves a little war..... Later after we talk and makeup I find that he wasn't ignoring me, he was asleep so I'm stupid and started a fight for nothing. I felt horrible that I treated Master that way and I asked him to spank me because I would not feel better until he did, even though he forgave me. So yes, Master spanked me. I still feel awful about the whole thing. I love Master! With all of my heart! I cant even believe I let myself get down to that level again. Ive had anger problems in the past, and being submissive really helps, and I let all of that go in an instant over something so stupid. I really hope I can improve myself much more after we get settled in. I want quality time with Master. He believes this is from stress due to the move and everything, but I know there is no excuse for this type of behavior. I have been better the last two days since then, but its still in the back of my mind, that I let Sir down...

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Updates and a Thank You

Okay, so not too much has really been going on as you can tell, lol. But, We just got a call today, and the house we are trying to buy, might be ours tomorrow! We are so excited, and cant wait! I will definately post about the house after we move in, and everything. I hope this wont be my last post till then, but I dont know. We might be really busy trying to get the house move-in ready over the next couple weeks. We need to paint all the rooms, and get all of our new appliances and some blinds, cuz about three windows need blinds, and we need to also replace the garbage disposal. All minor things, which is good. But we are so happy, and we know our puppy will be happy there too. Master and I cant wait, we are sick of giving money up every month for someone elses mortgage, and it will be nice to be able to do whatever we want to our house. Plus, in the next year, we hope to try for our first baby. Something our family keeps pestering us about. lol. So I hope I can update at least once more before we move, but if not, it wont be long until the next. We will be moved in by the first, so its only a couple weeks.

Also, I just wanted to add how much being submissive helps our relationship so much, I dont even know if we would be where we are today if we never took this step in our relationship. We always had our stubborn power battles, and that no longer applies to us. he leads and I follow, but of course, he always listens to what I have to say when I give my opinion, and thats what I love so much about my husband. I think coming on to blogger and reading other submissive posts, and updating my blog keeps me in a submissive state of mind. I see how others are, and learn just what being submissve really is, and I look up to some of you for how devoted you are, and knowing some of your struggles are the same as mine make it so much easier. So I just want to say thank you to all the submissives out there who blog as much as they do, and who read mine as well. I could never do this alone, and it helps knowing there are other women out there who are taking the same path as I am.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

My Cycle of Submission

You know, it seems as if its a never ending cycle for me. Two days good, one day bad, according to my Master. I hate to let him down like this. It makes him think that after he does something nice for me, like take me out for the day, that I end up acting up. Its not like that at all! I want him to know that. I love when he does nice things for me, I love it! And I appreciate every penny that man spends on me. Its just a bit difficult for me to be good 24/7 without a spanking every once in a while. Like I don't feel whole or something. Its so weird. Last night I acted a little bratty, nothing too bad, just childish, and he ended up spanking me. After that I stayed in our room and lied in bed until he came to bed. i felt so terrible, I don't want him to think he cant do nice things for me. I just need some direction every now and then. Sometimes he can let little things slide, and it makes me wonder, what can I get away with? And that's when the child in me comes out to play. Well, I am still learning, but I think I am doing so much better at being his sweet submissive.

Friday, May 8, 2009


That is what I wish to be. Perfect in his eyes. Perfect to my standards. Perfect as in the perfect submissive. I struggle though. Its hard, and Ive been trying to be really serious about our D/s relationship for about a year now. Ive always been submissive though, its who i am. its only been a year since I realized how to put what i am to its fullest potential and who J is to his full self. Hes a dominant male, and to be honest, him having that control over me, that power, it gets us both hot. It turns me on like no other thing ever could. And me being submissive to him not only makes me happy and turns me on, but makes him very happy! but for something that makes us so happy, why is it so hard for me to do? Master tells me its just a matter of breaking so many years of bad habits. This is true....but why? Why cant I just submit in the highest manner possible to him with ease? That's what I want. That's perfection in my eyes. I want to be so submissive that it is noticeable to the public, that he is the dominant, and I obey him. Noticeable in a way that I don't need to call him by his preferred name at home, but people will just know when they see us at a restaurant, watch us in a mall. I'm really hard on myself because I realize that this gets me down and a bit depressed. I know this takes time. but the thing is, I sometimes worry about things I shouldn't even concern myself with. Like money, hes in charge of it, and me finding a job. He tells me he doesn't want me to have one yet, and not to worry, but I still do. I would hate for me to be on my last unemployment check with no job in line. He is always right though, and proves it to me again and again everyday...even though it pisses me off sometimes. lol

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Busy Packing

I know I haven't been on in a bit. Less than i would like, but for good reason! We are in the process of buying our first home, and Master and I are just thrilled! This stuff is almost like a full time job in itself, and of course I have been stressing. So of course, Ive slipped here and there with my not so sweet mouth. But as things are moving more along I'm getting back on track. I also think its because I'm supposed to have my monthly visitor next week, but who knows lol. But I have been busy trying to pack as much stuff as I can because it seems everything is moving quite fast! I mean, we only started looking for a place at the end of last month, but we are very excited. We had our home inspection recently and everything went swell. Nothing major, just minor cosmetic things that need to be fixed.

So I am hoping I will still be able to update a few more times before we move, because we might be without Internet for a couple weeks after we move. Right now we have charter, and to say the least, we hate them! Just for Internet we were paying $40...then out of nowhere, slowly but surely the price crept up, and now, its about $60. And that's ridiculous just for Internet, especially, Internet that doesn't cooperate and is slow at times, and freezes up. I think the price gouge is due to them going out of business. They tried telling us that we were on a promotion, that's why it went up, but sorry for you to hear the truth, we were not. We've had their Internet for almost two years, and I don't know of any company to have a special that lasts a little over a year and a half. Complete bullshit.
But like I said, besides all that nonsense, me and Master are doing great and have a love for each other that just gets bigger every day.

Oh, and I wanted to add one more thing: Everyone please be careful with this swine flu going around, its just awful. I hope no one I know gets it.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Bad Attitude and Punishment

Tuesday night and Wednesday morning I had a bad attitude (apparently) I say this because most of the time when I give off that nasty tone, i don't really realise it, and I get defensive when Master tells me so. Tuesday night I got spanked many times with his hand (jeans on) and then with the paddle (jeans on). It hurt very bad, and I felt sore and sorry for how I acted. Then Wednesday morning I wasn't being very submissive and was questioning J. He told me this, and I got defensive, because he said I was having an attitude again, and he wanted me to be something, and I wasn't being it (submissive) so this hurt my feelings. We ended up getting into a big fight and he yelled at me for disrespecting him, and swatted me on the ass. I wish our fight had never happened. I agreed to be submissive to him. Later that day we ended up having makeup sex after a talk about me being his submissive and that this fight probably made us stronger as a D/s couple. Sometimes it is just so hard for me to watch my attitude, I don't realise the tone I use until Master gets mad. The good thing is, we are back on track and I am thinking much more before I speak. I think he is molding me into a polite woman, and I am molding him into a strong respectable man. I love him, and am happy we chose this life-style.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

I miss quality time with Master

I cant wait for Master to have his days off. Today is his "Friday". We have been so busy lately because we are trying to buy a house. We have had hardly any time to just be at home and be us. Dominant and submissive. Today, since it is Saturday, we managed to have some time together, we talked about how I still have some learning to do as far as being his complete submissive, and we even had some time to have a nice sexual release. He says that this month he would like to focus on training me some more. He loves that he is the HOH and my Master, and loves when I call him by that. So I am calling him by that 24/7 now, except when we are with family/friends. Calling him Master all the time keeps me in a submissive state of mind. Reminds me that he has the authority, and needs the respect that he deserves. I use to just call him Master when I would ask him something, or when we were in bed. Sir is another favorite, but Master is what he prefers. He told me he loves the fact that he is the Master, my protector, the authority in our marriage. And he always thinks of me, always is concerned of my feelings, and I love him for that. I had him pick out something nice for me to wear tomorrow for Easter. I can't wait to wear it, because I know that's what he wants to see me in.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

This is why we keep to our selves

So I was on google, and decided to do a search on DD in blogs to see if there were any other interesting blogs to get wrapped into. Well, the first thing I saw just proved to me how ignorant people can be. And it reminded me, yes, this is why we keep this to ourselves. This is why I am so secretive with my blog, why I try not to mention too many things that could give my ID away.
So anyways, I clicked on one of the first blogs I saw that popped up. It was some woman ranting and rambling about how this is the most horrible thing she has ever heard of, and basically women that are involved in this type of relationship are stupid. One of her commenter's wrote:
"This is disgusting, abusive, ridiculous, controlling, offensive, violent, sinful, unbelievable, evil...
I could keep going, but I think I have made my point.
I am furious.
I have to go for a walk now to calm down and pray for the women who have subjected themselves to this."

You know, it just kind of upsets me that people think this way, are so close-minded, talk crap about a life-style they know nothing about. You know, if they tried it, I bet they would like it just as much as us, maybe they wouldn't be on such a feminist ego trip, and who knows? Maybe their marriage would be bliss.
I wish I could go out and tell people about DD, about how my husband is my HOH and my Master, and how great it is. I wish that I could be submissive in every way, out in public, for the world to see. But I cant, because people like that would call my husband an abuser. Or say I am stupid and brainwashed. When we are about to have guests, or family over, I have to make sure I go through the house and get rid of any evidence of this lifestyle: posted rules, paddle, notes to Master. Anything. Its kind of ridiculous that I do this, but because of people like that, I'm afraid of what family and friends would say.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Some random thoughts

All is well, nothing much exciting going on here lol. The only really positive and exciting thing is that we are taking steps to be able to buy our own house soon. Owning will be so much better than renting, and we just can't wait!

I think my submissiveness is improving, I am being more agreeable with Master, not arguing or giving my opinion when he suggests something. I have just been going with it, because I trust him, and know that whatever decision he makes, is a good one. He does everything that is best for us, and would never make a decision without thinking of my needs and wants.

So anyways, besides that, I realized that I have been on the pill for five years! And to tell you the truth, I'm pretty much sick of those damn little things, have been for a while, but I am still on them because it is the best option for us at the moment. I never really liked them when I first got on them either. That was awful, they made me feel like crap, and I would have to eat all the time to feel okay, so yeah, like some women, I gained like fifteen pounds. It sucked. But here I am, five years later, still taking them, and never missed a day. I think it interferes with my sex drive though. I would love to see how I am off of them, but that will have to wait until we buy our house. I did some research and came across the Standard Days Method (SDM). Its a fairly easy way of determining which days you are most fertile. you can also buy Cycle Beads to help you count your cycle, which has color coded beads to let you know which certain days those are. Research says its 95% accurate, but as you know, it varies. So I mentioned this to my husband and asked if we could try this after we move. He was a bit hesitant, and I think its because he would have to wear a condom a few days in the month. He says hes spoiled. Whatever, I think he can sacrifice that, since I sacrificed my health by taking those stupid pills for five years. Its not because of the fear of pregnancy, he wouldn't mind if it happened unexpectedly. So I was wondering, have any of you tried this method of birth control?

Friday, March 27, 2009

Oral Sex

So tonight, as many nights when my husband is at work, I get extremely bored. So I thought, what better way to use my time than to use it looking up helpful information to better mine and Masters relationship. Master and I have a great sex life, but with me giving him oral sex, there has always been a bit of hesitation from me. He would like me to swallow, and I was never that fond of it. I think its more of a texture thing for me, than the taste. I do understand the importance of swallowing, and I want to be able to do it every time. To me, it symbolizes submissiveness and acceptance of my husband as my Master. Plus, it does seem a bit rude to let him cum in my mouth and then to turn away and spit. It symbolizes rejection, and I think he might feel that. But anyways, I have swallowed a few times, and I am trying to get myself to swallow every time I perform oral on him. I want to make him happy, and I think this would please him greatly. So back to me using my boredom time, I stumbled across this website, and it had so much useful information and tips on swallowing, I just thought I should share. Sorry if this post was TMI, but I think all of you who read this blog know where I'm coming from.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

OMG Twilight!!!! (lol)

Yes, yes, I am a BIG fan, and OMG I cant wait for the movie to be out on video! Yay! My Master pre-ordered it for me last week. I just love the books. I love how Edward is so protective of Bella and always knows whats right for her. Hes so loving towards her. He loves her so much that he would do anything to make her happy, even if it meant hurting himself in the process. They cant survive without each other, it reminds me of me and my Master.

Haha speaking of my Master, he just walked in here and caught a glimpse of what I was writing, and was all "are you writing about Edward?" lol. I said, OMG read the rest of it, Jeez!!!! Hes funny, he read it, and kissed me on the cheek. But anyways, that's why I love the whole Twilight series, it reminds me of us, and I love him!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

To Master

I Love You Master. Always and Forever. We are soulmates.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Feeling Lonely

Hi everyone, sorry for not updating in a while. Things have been a little hectic. My husband got switched to night shift, and I thought Id be able to handle it. The first week was okay, a little lonely but okay. But tonight, is his first day of his week, and I completely broke down. I feel so lonely. I told Master this as I cried in his arms, and I told him I didn't want him to go. I hate it. I know hes doing this for us, to make more money, but its just really hard on me. I'm happy he understands that. He told me that I don't need to stay at the house, but what am I going to do? Who would I go see? I don't have any close friends where we live, and my family is about an hour away in a different town. I know an hour isn't that far, but the drive I have to take is, and its a bit dangerous. Its a two lane highway the whole way there (just about) and I don't like driving it at night. But anyways, at least me writing this is helping me feel a little better about it.

We also brought a puppy home last Thursday. I guess he can keep me company. Hes very cute. Very playful and he makes me smile.

My Masters paddle came when I thought it would, I had it engraved to say "Obey Master". He loved it! He did end up using it on me. Just one swat, and it hurt! It stung really bad. I do not look forward to him using this in the future, so I guess I will focus on biting my tongue. lol

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Not My Best Behavior

So I was very sick last weekend with the flu and the grogginess that came with it lasted all the way into Wednesday! Horrible. So during this time of being sick, I forgot my submissive ways, and when I started feeling better I let my mouth do what it does best. Talk. But with the attitude that Master hates. I feel bad. Master felt like I didn't respect him, and he is so wrong! I respect him the most out of everyone I know! I told him this. And he does forgive, but as many of you know, Masters aren't easy to forget your wrong doings, and he promised me a spanking with that paddle as soon as it gets here in the mail. I'm dreading it. I know it will hurt worse than his hand. And speaking of spankings, the day I got the flu, I got a good spanking before we left for our outings. I don't remember what i said, it was most likely my attitude as it always is. My tone. And when Master pulled my panties down he noticed a tiny little bruise on my butt cheek, we think it was from the spanking the week before that when he swatted me REAL hard. So he spanked me on my left cheek, because the right one had a bruise. And it hurt! He spanked me multiple times making me say that I will behave and that he is my Master. You would think I would learn to bite my tongue!!!! Well, he knows for sure that once I get a "taste" of that paddle that I will never want it again, and that it should help me to remember to think before I open that sweet little mouth of mine.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Something for Master

So yesterday I was online, and I wanted to buy something special for Master. So I came across a website that sells custom made paddles. You can even engrave them! So I picked one out and had it engraved. I will tell you what it says after Master gets it, because he reads this sometimes, and I want it to be a surprise for him when he gets it. So I was a little nervous about telling him what I had ordered for him. One, because I had ordered something without asking his permission, and two, would he like it? I ordered this because i want him to know I am serious and dedicated to this lifestyle. So when he got home, I told him i had ordered him a present. Of course he wanted to know the price, and all in all, it wasn't bad at all for an engraved paddle! only $30 dollars for total cost! Shipping is free to U.S and Canada. So he was a little pissed I ordered something without asking, but when he found out what it was, he was overcome by happiness! He said he really wanted one! So this made me very happy, and he said it shows that we are serious. I wish i had found this site during Christmas. it would have made a great present. Oh well! But here is the site, if any of you are interested:

Monday, February 16, 2009

Valentines Day

Hi Everyone! Sorry I haven't really been around too much lately, I guess I was pretty busy with trying to get this unemployment stuff straightened out, and well, when Master is home, I like to spend time with him, rather than be on the computer. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentines Day. I know I did. My husband is so sweet. We did happen to have an unfortunate event happen though. My husband had ordered me a package from pro flowers. It was about $100 dollars, and he had paid extra shipping costs for it to be delivered on Saturday, for Valentines Day. Well it was 2pm and it still had not arrived. So Master went on the computer to track it, and UPS said that an unforeseen event had happened and it could not be delivered. He was very pissed off. He called UPS, and pro flowers to see if there was any way he could pick it up for me. Nope. No way. The whole thing is ridiculous, but he ended up getting the $30 dollar fee for the shipping to be taken off. Why should we pay for the expediated shipping, when we aren't even getting it on time? So I got kind of upset about it, you know, he spent so much money for this to be delivered to me on time, and to find out, its sitting in a truck, I am really hoping the flowers are in good condition. It is supposed to arrive today. I feel like yelling at UPS when they get here, but I must be lady like. I will just accept them with a smile. But the rest of the day was great. We got a hotel room, we tried to have dinner at olive garden, but OH MY GOODNESS was the line long. We had tried to reserve dinner, but um, apparently, they weren't doing reservations for that night. Pretty stupid. So we ended up going to a buffet at one of the nicer casinos. It cost $60 dollars! Well, he said thats what he had planned on spending, maybe more. But it was all good. It was a great dinner. When we got out of the restaurant, the line was stretching into the casino! I couldn't believe it! Good thing we went to dinner a little early (around 5 - 5:30). So then after that we went to a movie, "Hes just not that into you" I thought it was very cute! A little long for just a romantic movie it was like 2 hours, but I liked it, and so did he. Oh and I forgot to mention, he bought me a little bear and we went to See's candies to get a box of chocolate since my package wasn't there. Very sweet of him!

So while we were in our hotel room, we were talking, and he decided that when we got home he would write out a set of rules for me. One for at home, and one for when we are out in public. He has finished the one for at home, since this will be the one used immediately. I'm thinking about posting what he wrote, but I don't know. Its personal to me. So instead, I will just kind of summarize it. Basically it states, he is in control, everything needs to be approved by him, I always need to be available and ready for him, the house clean with dinner ready for him when he gets home, and one rule states that I MUST work out everyday, with no exceptions. So I mean, pretty basic DD rules from the HOH. I cant wait to see what he writes for us when we are out in public.

And to add the cherry on top, I was testing him last night, bad bad me. I was trying to get a rise out of him. I don't know why I did this. I had been so good, for I would say a pretty good long time. I guess maybe, secretly I was craving a maintenance spanking. He doesn't really believe in spanking me if I have been good. So for me asking him to spank me just to keep me in line, is out of the question. I have asked before, and he says If I have been good, why spank? Well sometimes I do need it, or I do get snippy. So anyways, I was just kind of testing him, I mean it was innocent, but he got pretty mad and as we were standing there, he turned me around and whipped my ass right there, really really hard with one swat. So it made me kind of mad, you know, no warning, but it was HIS rules we were playing by. So in that anger i turned and kind of hit him back. Well, that was a HUGE mistake. And I feel bad that I did that. I was the one who wanted this DD relationship, so I needed to accept his punishments, whether they be formal or informal, like that one. So he yelled and told me to get in the room, and he spanked me HARD. I still had my sweats on, but they were thin, and it hurt! Thank God I wasn't wearing a nighty, which I usually wear. But as I said, I feel horrible for that, he told me not to because I got punished, but I know I will never do this again. Well i better end this here, because this looks pretty long lol.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Just a little update

Hi everyone. Not much exciting has been going on. Ive been a good girl for the most part. So no punishments, all though I would really love to improve my behavior. Not be so outspoken, our joke around so much with my Master. That is what he is. My Master. He needs to be respected, (which he is) and treated so. I should be more formal when speaking with him I guess. He loves and I love that we can speak whats on our minds, but I just feel I should be taken a more respectful tone when speaking with him.

In other news, I did get "walked out" at my job today. I don't find out till Friday if I'm coming back or not. I guess they are supposed to call me. Either way we are not too worried about it. My husband can take care of me and wants me to be at home for a little bit. Unemployment would help out a lot though till I find something else, but till then, I'm just waiting. I love how he cares so much about my happiness. I thought he might be kind of mad, but he isn't. Hes kind of glad because he knows how much I hate that job anyway. But I guess these are just my current thoughts for now, and I really want to improve myself. be the best submissive I can be, and with me being a housewife for a bit, I can always be ready for him when he gets home, and I love that!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

This week is getting better

Okay, so I am really excited and nervous. I recently stated that I will most likely lose my job. I get over fifteen dollars an hour there, and well, I know I will have to settle for less if I want another job. It sucks, but if I don't find another job, I will be screwed. I may or may not be able to get unemployment, and to tell you the truth, I don't want it. I don't want to be in that situation at all. What if I cant find another job within the time frame? Its all crappy to me. lol. So yesterday when I got off work, I went online and just filled out applications for anywhere that was hiring in the city where we will be moving to soon. So I got extremely lucky, and got a call from a clothing store today to come in for an interview tomorrow. I'm thinking the most I will get at this job is ten dollars an hour, but I figure that's better than nothing and my HOH is fine with it. If I get the job there I will be so much happier. I'm miserable where I work now, and we have always discussed if the money is worth it. Its not. I guess things will just be tight. So I'm really excited about it, but extremely nervous. Ive had my job for over two years, with good pay and benefits. But I guess I have no choice because they basically told me I could lose my job, and I know its no lie.

Another exciting thing on my agenda is that we are looking to buy a house, and trying to get approved for a loan. Its so exciting! And this is especially why I need to find a job before I lose the one I have. It sucks, I made so many friends there. But where we are planning to move to, we will be close to family, and our best friends. All this is making me nervous and giving me a headache. But its all good things. We were looking online and found a house we really like. We just need to get the loan, and then we will get to go house hunting! YAY!

And on a D/s note: I'm still getting spanked for my mouth! I just need to keep it shut. I just mouth off sometimes. I need to be more respectful to my master. But I am getting better, sweeter. Im really happy that he is giving me permission to work at a lower paying job, because he knows how miserable I am at this one, getting hassled everyday about my production numbers. I know for sure though, that since he is going to be working harder and bringing in more money, that I need to be on my BEST behavior. I want him to know how much I appreciate what he does for us. He is the best, and I love him!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Not a good week

So this week has not been too good for me. First things first, I did receive a bad spanking from my master for being annoying. I was just bothering him to bother him and mouthing off. It was very very hard, but he spared me by letting me keep my jeans on. Thank God! If I had been bare, I think I would have had cried to heaven lol. And on a sad note, our cat died this past week. I came home from work early on Wednesday at around 1:30pm, and he was outside, when I let him in he seemed like he didn't feel too good, but he acted fine. But later that night he started throwing up, and he went and laid in the bathtub. Well, we weren't sure what was wrong and hoping he was just sick. Thursday he layed in the bath tub all day long, and didn't get out at all. He looked very weak. Poor little baby. We left that night to be with my mom, she wanted to take us out for dinner since she didn't get to spend time with me on my birthday. It got late, and we stayed at her place. The next morning my husband left early to go home and check on him while i stayed at my moms. He called me with the worst news. He found him lying there in the tub lifeless. I started crying and was really upset all day. He was our first pet together. Our little baby. We had him since he was three or four weeks old. He was so cute when he was that tiny. He had a hard time eating because he was so little, and in between bites you could hear him go mew mew mew. lol. Like little whimpers. Its only been two days since he died. I keep thinking hes going to be there at the front door waiting for me. He was only a year and a half old. Poor lil guy. We think he was poisoned. Maybe anti-freeze. I read some things online. Anti-freeze is common for cat deaths, and his throw up was a greenish color. It said death can occur between 12 and 36 hours, and the symptoms he had seemed like that was it. Our other theory was that he ate a rat that had been poisoned. I don't know. I just miss him, and feel horrible that he went though that. All I know is that the next time we get a cat, it will be strictly indoor. We thought about a Persian. Ive always wanted one. But I miss him. My lil baby. He was such a mamma's boy.

Another crappy thing to happen was at work today. I basically got told I have 90 days to improve or I am fired. Its for productivity again. And The reason its my final is because apparently I had gotten too many first written warnings since February 2008. So yeah, this made me upset. Because I try at work. I don't stand around and talk. I work. I'm just not as fast as other people. My HOH told me to just quit and go do the CNA training they offer in a close-by city. I'm calling them tomorrow to see when the next classes start. He is so sweet. He told me he is sick of me being unhappy and that he will take care of me. The training is five weeks unpaid, but you are guaranteed a job after you get your license. He told me not to worry about not getting paid for five weeks, that he will take care of us. I love him so much, and I am so blessed to be married to him! I'm hoping my week turns out better.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I'm So Cold!

The past two days have been hell for me. Its in the middle of Winter, in Northern Nevada, and our heater broke! We have someone coming over to fix this problem today, but I am so cold!!!! We had this happen to us last year when we lived in an apartment. This year we are in a house, but why does this have to happen two years in a row? lol We have a little space heater, but it doesn't help much, and those things are dangerous! So I cant leave it on during the night.

But besides all this nonsense, my Master has been getting very strict with me, because I truly do need an attitude adjustment. Like yesterday morning, a perfect example. I am not in the best of moods early in the morning before work. I am not a morning person, and I don't like waking up at 5 am. So i don't even remember what it was about, but I got snippy with him, and he grabbed my arm, spun me around and spanked my ass! I got mad at this, and i grabbed him! So he scolded me. But long story short, I am learning my lesson slowly but surely. I can now see that he is not going to let anything past him. So I guess I am really going to start watching my ass, literally!

Friday, January 2, 2009

To a Great New Year!

Hello Everyone, I am so sorry, I have not been on in a long long while! I feel bad about it. I like coming on here and sharing my thoughts with all of you, I love reading everyone elses thoughts also. And I wanted to say thank you, AKM, I think I will take your suggestion, and focus on learning how to speak sweetly.
Oh we have been so busy at my job, so much overtime during the Christmas season, which is why I have not had much time to go on here and write. We were working five eleven hour days! in a warehouse! I mean, working eleven hour days or even twelve, wouldn't be so bad if i were in an office, but man, I was worn out! Sometimes I would just get home from work, and be so tired, I wouldn't even want to come log on to the computer. And speaking of computer, another reason I was not on here was the monitor was broken! I guess it just wore out, wouldn't stay on for more than a second. It really sucked! So my Hubby and I just got so sick of it, he said that we are buying a new monitor. I was really happy about that. We went out and bought it on Christmas Eve. I looked to the cheaper Acer brand, but he insisted spending a hundred more on an HP, knowing it was the much better brand. He is very sweet like that.

So anyways, during all this overtime he and I worked, we kind of fell out of our DD ways, I mean it was there, I was respectful and the like, but he let me slip up a lot, and I soon reverted to my old ways. We both, are not pleased with this at all. Last night we had a talk, and decided we needed to get back on track ASAP! So we did, and I did get spanked last night, for not obeying him. Ah I feel that the progress I made is some how lost, but I have been so much better at certain things. Especially in the car. I really need to work on this a lot. I know I'm not the only girl who does this either. lol. When he drives, which is almost always now, I will tell him slow down, and you know, just be a "backseat driver". So what I have been doing is just doing something else while he drives. Fumble with my ipod, read a book, whatever. Because I don't know, I trust him, but I just need to learn to let go. I don't do this when my dad drives, so why should I do this when it is my husband? This is one of the hardest nasty habits of mine to let go. I always say to myself, I will be quiet, but some how i always end up saying something. I guess with time it will get better.

And Kristen, I updated my instant messenger a couple weeks ago, and after I did, somehow your ID got deleted. It was so weird, so don't think I didn't want to message you or anything. If you still have my ID you can request me again if you want.

I also wanted to wish everyone a very Happy New Year in 2009!