Saturday, November 22, 2008

A little disappointed in myself...

Yes, I am a little disappointed in myself. I feel like I haven't been as submissive as I should be. I have been really side tracked with things, and I have lost my intentions of being a submissive wife. I feel awful. I haven't done anything that bad, its just my attitude, and Ive SNAPPED at him, which always make feel so horrible. I feel less than when I do something so low. He didn't spank me or punish me in any matter, but he did tell me he thinks I'm not serious about this, which hurt my feelings. A lot. I guess in a way, it kind of was a punishment. A mental one, and really made me stop and think about how Ive been acting. I hate it! Like right now, I almost want to cry for how un-submissive I've been. It really sucks. I want to improve, and I hope he reads this, so he knows that I am serious, and I do care. I tell him this, but as you know, actions speak louder than words. So I am going to try my hardest to be as submissive as I can. I feel like, not only have I let myself down, but I have truly let him down. He doesn't think I can be a true submissive, that I am all talk. I want to show him who I can be....

And, with other things, as Ive said I have been sidetracked with a lot of things. We have been pretty busy with taking care of the legal things; changing my name. Well, everything was all pretty simple to take care of. We got my name changed on just about everything, I even got my new ID. Well, the last thing, ha, not so easy. We went to the DMV to go change my name on my car's registration, and the lady at the front desk was being so freaking difficult!!!! She would even listen to what we had to say, we had all of the documents and everything, and she said I couldn't change it without the title to my car. And well, we don't have that. Its through a loan with my bank, and I wont get the stupid title till its paid off. So anyways, it was this BIG HUGE hassle, of running back and forth between the bank and the DMV. My husband and I were both very frustrated. Its just changing my last name on the registration, why does it have to be so difficult? So now it is basically in a progress. So hopefully everything goes through fine, and I will be able to change it in a few weeks. Because I guess you can get a fine for having your insurance and registration having different names. Whatever. I just hope it goes through. I just want to relax now. lol. So this is whats been going on in my life and why I haven't been on so often. I hope I can be on here at least every other day, it helps me stay on track. Because I love him, and I want to make him really happy.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I'm Still Alive! lol

Yes, I'm still alive, I have been so busy, no time to write at all, but the best news of all is that we are finally husband and wife!!!!!! Yay! We are both so happy that it has finally happened! We both are just so happy. But Master is starting to get more strict with me and I need to watch myself. Ive been spanked already! lol. I got spanked last night, i just need to watch my attitude. My tone of voice. Now that he is my husband, he says he is not going to tolerate my attitude. He says I need more training, and I agree. I do. But I am trying my best to be good, because i want to make him happy, and I love him so much, why should I get an attitude with him? I think this weekend, when we are out doing all of our errands and shopping for groceries, I will be on my best behavior to show him how submissive I am to him. I will not stray when we are in the store, and i will always be by his side. I will always ask him for things also. Ive been catching that a lot too. Because a lot of the time I will ask him to do something but not say please, or I will just say, "I'm doing this" without ASKING him. So these are my plans, and we will see how things turn out on Friday. I am so tired right now I better go, and I am sure he is wondering why I am not in bed right now.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

So Busy

Well once again, we have been busy busy busy. But it was so nice to have Thursday to our selves. Our training went very well. He wasn't too demanding, but he caught me getting that attitude in my voice with his requests, and he explained to me that he is testing me, and I need to listen to him. And no spankings that day. I'm proud of myself lol. I can't wait till our wedding day is over. We will finally be back to normal, only things will be better and easier on us both because we will be husband and wife. We will have the same bank account, and he will be taking care of us. And he will be giving me my allowance. You have no idea what a relief it is to have my HOH in charge of EVERYTHING! Its going to be so nice. It will almost feel like he is my daddy, paying for everything. Its a nice feeling, to be taken care of like that. I love him so much, and I am so happy that he is being patient with my family, because he is getting angry because people are upsetting me. I love that he cares like that. He is the only one who truly cares about my feelings. Half of my family could care less if they upset me. Some of them are even acting as if they don't even care about our wedding. Like its not important, because they always seem to have something more important to do than to make sure everything will be ready for our big day! Ah I better just stop now or I will keep going on and on lol.

But another thing that has me kind of down is my job. I got written up for productivity again today. My final one. Its not that I'm off task or anything, because I am ALWAYS working. Its that I'm not fast enough for them. And I'm telling you, If I do get fired, I hope I never ever go back to that place. EVER! Its horrible. Its like they think you are a robot or something! I'm a human being, I can only do so much before i am exhausted! Oh well, I just hope i can find something new before my Master wants to join the Navy. Its miserable there. I don't know if I can wait five months.