Thursday, November 12, 2009

Submitting to Him

I have come to realize that for me to be fully submissive to my husband, I need to follow him in everything. This brings me to the topic of getting a roommate. I am becoming more open to the idea, and I realize, Master is doing this for my benefit. The whole time his reasoning had to do with me. He loves me at home, and would love for my focus to strictly be on school. Im still not ready to accept a roommate at this time, and I am using Master's deadline to my advantage, but when the time comes, I will submit to his decision. He knows this, and Im sure he knew the whole time before he even broached the subject with me because he has been discussing this could be situation with the potential roomie. But in the end I realize I do not have a choice because I agreed to be his submissive.

He told me I have been a good girl lately. I feel I havent been the best to my abilities, but if Master says Im a good girl, thats what I am. I miss him telling me this. I feel most submissive to him when he says things like this to me. I feel loved and the center of his attention and desires. This is why a vanilla relationship will never work for me now. It will never be enough, vanilla relationships are so passive, and I think he feels the same. We need that extra attention to each other. Not to mention sex is so much more amazing with a D/s dynamic, although we sort of had one before reading about DD. I know this is a turn on for both of us, but I think if a vanilla couple were to try it, they might end up liking it too. Our relationship is smooth when we give it our all in our roles. I notice when we slack on being Dominant and submissive, our relationship gets rocky. I may not be the perfect submissive, but at least I can try.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

A Little Update

I have not written in a while so now would be a good time I guess. Lately I feel I have been so "naggy". I hate it, and it just pushes Master away. We both haven't talked to each other in the sweetest voices lately either, and it makes me sad. Especially because we just celebrated our first year of marriage. I know we both have a lot on our shoulders right now, but I think he should try a little harder to be patient with me. He just always seems so irritated with me. Our first year of marriage just seems it was so much harder than it should have been, and we have dealt with so much crap. No newlywed should be so stressed. Its hard to focus on each others happiness when things seem to bare down on you. I think also what has him so irritable is that he is working more and different hours at work and still trying to juggle school. Its really stressful on him, especially since he is the breadwinner and has to worry about all of the bills by himself. He wants to get a roommate if I don't find stable work by February. I really don't want this, and his main reason for this is so I can just stay home while i am in school. Honestly Id rather go get the stupidest job and work instead of having a roommate. If im the homemaker, how am I suppose to keep things "just-so" if we have someone using our stuff and making their own messes all the time. We are married, and really do not need some other person staying here. Even if its a short while. I see the good points, but it also means we will have to keep DD / D/s on the DL, unless we be completely open and scare them away lol.