Friday, September 26, 2008

Been Thinking

My fiance and I have been discussing something recently and it has had me thinking an awful lot. He recently told me that he is considering joining the Navy after we are married. Not right after, but maybe three or four months down the line. I think it would be great in so many ways, but I am conflicted. Because you see, I'm kind of selfish. I want all the time in the world with him, and if hes in the Navy, there will be times when he will be shipped out to sea for at least a good six months. I have no idea in the world what I would do with all of that free time by myself because we will not have any children, and I do not plan on getting pregnant before he leaves because I want him there through the pregnancy, and when I give birth. I don't want any chance that he could be away when the time comes that I would be due. It would be horrible for me to not have him there in those important days of our lives. But then I think about all of the good things about him joining. We would have our housing paid for, I would be able to quit my stupid dead-end job that I hate so much, and we would have all of the great benefits that they offer. Not to mention he will be able to earn a degree. I have discussed all of things with him already. I have also looked up things on the web about Navy wives and read their blogs. I'm not too worried about anything happening to him because it seems that they just mostly go out to sea. But I am all about supporting him, and I know the reason he wants to do this is to support me and our someday family. I'm just a little worried about it because I don't really know what to expect, so I thought I would just write my thoughts down. Because I think about how lonely it will be if we get sent to another state. I will have no other family near by. I'm sure I would find something to do if we moved. Maybe a part time job, or who knows? Maybe I will have other wives to talk to when hes away. Its going to be hard having to deal without my HOH when hes away. I love his company and I love obeying him.

Monday, September 15, 2008

The Worst Spanking

Today I had my worst spanking so far. And this morning. At 3:30 am!!!! It still hurts! So you may be thinking, what did I do? Well, he has a little side job on certain mornings at a gym, and this morning, I ended up getting into an argument with him. About tuna sandwiches! So stupid. I know. Well, I was trying my hardest to get lots of sleep because I had gone to bed late last night because I was trying to get a load of laundry done. So naturally, when he wakes up, I end up waking up. Even though he is quiet and is very caring not to make any distractions for me. I guess its just his presence. Well anyways, after he had been up for an hour, he comes into the room telling me I need to make him tuna for his lunch today. So mind you, I am still trying my hardest to sleep. I get all snappy with him saying "you were up for an hour already, why couldn't you have just made it?!" And instead of him stopping this right then in there, his weaker side starts to argue with me about it, and we get into this big huge debate at three something in the morning. So then I start to feel kind of bad, and I text him telling him I don't want to fight with him and he needs to be my HOH. So then he comes into the room, and tells me to pull down my panties. I hesitate because, I really didn't want to be spanked at 3:30 in the morning. So he tells me again more firmly, so with a bit more hesitation, I turn over, and he pulls them down, and starts spanking me so hard! The hardest he has ever spanked me, I was crying out in pain! I was crying so hard that my nose was getting snotty. I was mad that he spanked me that hard. He said he loved me when he was done, and that he doesn't feel bad for spanking me that hard because I questioned him and disobeyed him. But I am very happy and glad now that he did this. I needed it. He was so angry with me. I still feel bad I acted this way, and I told him this tonight, but he said its OK because I got punished for it earlier. God, I wish I could be perfect and hold my tongue! I want our home to be peaceful, a place for him to relax and feel good. Not to get in arguments with me. I know with time I will improve my habits.