Saturday, July 25, 2009

Master's Concerns

Wow, I just realized, I haven't been on here and wrote anything in a while. Well to me, its a while. I don't know, I just haven't had anything interesting to come blog about. Me and Master have been getting ready for our trip to visit my dad, and last weekend we got our first time home-buyer tax credit. So time has just really seemed to fly by for us lately. Nothing too interesting has been going on with me and Master. He has been overly concerned about his health. And I mean OVERLY. So he has kind of put his HOH duties on the back burner for now, but still has the final say and is controlling money of course, he would never let that one slide lol. So with him being so concerned about his health for no reason, it really started pissing me off and making me upset. Because we have been to the doctors, and they tell him he is a healthy twenty three year old, he just needs to eat better. But its like, everyday its something new with him, his health. One part of the body after the next is what he concerns him self over, so finally yesterday I just broke down and got upset with him telling him that he has no idea what kind of stress this puts on me, and I don't want to think that my husband may have some kind of serious illness because we are supposed to be trying for a baby. How can we if my husband thinks hes sick all the time? It just made me so upset, and he finally apologized and I thought he understood, but then today he kind of started up again, nitpicking over little things about himself. So yeah, I just kind of needed to get that out because it still pisses me off. I'm concerned about him. I just hope things get back to normal soon.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Public Places

So this weekend me and Master went and met up a couple friends and went out to dinner and a movie. Afterwards we went to a book store, and I was looking for The Story of O but could not find it, so I ended up purchasing Female Submission: The Journals of Madelaine. Wow, such a great book I'm half way through it already. But yeah, I purchased this in secret since our friends were around. Wouldn't want them to think I'm a weirdo. Like the man at the counter who probably did. I don't really like buying erotic things in person. I'm a shy person, but hey you have to do what you have to do. Like sex shops... Master is the one who goes up and pays, and I just stand there next to him trying not to make eye contact lol. So that's exactly what I did the other day, I tried to not make eye contact, but unfortunately Master was busy keeping our friends distracted, so I was all alone.

Besides that, things are looking up for us, I guess our first time home-buyers tax credit will be here next week, and so will our new couch. We are really excited about it. We love going window shopping and thinking of what we will buy with some of that money. Like today we were in Lowe's, he had to go in to get some pipes to fix the sprinklers, and we were also browsing around and I got a little snippy over something I cant remember what, but it was playful. Master didn't think it was too funny, and he told me he would spank my ass right there in the store if I didn't behave. I don't know if he really would have or not, but I wised up and shut up. I asked him if he ever would and he said he might and if someone saw they might just think he was horny. Its funny because honestly, someone would probably think that.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Stressful Situations

I feel like I have been away from my blog forever! Even though it really wasn't that long, I like to read blogs and update at least once a week. It kind of keeps my behavior in check. But anyways, the reason I haven't been on in about two Weeks or so is because Master and I have been dealing with a lot on our plate lately. For some reason Master was having some chest pains (not heart related), and it really had him worried and stressed. We spent most of the day in the ER on fourth of July. He took a lot of tests including blood work and x-rays to find out what the problem was. Everything came up clean of course. Hes only twenty three. So Master was still worried that following week and on Wednesday he went to urgent care. They didn't find anything, and he spent seventy five dollars for nothing because it was out of network. So that really sucked. Then Friday we went to his doctor appointment, we found out he just needs to change his diet because acid flare ups are what was causing his pain. I know sounds a little weird, but makes a lot of sense at the same time. So not only were we dealing with that, but now I'm worried that my unemployment benefits is in jeopardy because I quit that stupid part time job. I wish I never accepted it in the first place, I wouldn't be in this situation. I know we will be fine financially, Master makes enough money. But you know, I always think the worst, what if: we cant pay our mortgage? Our car payment? Bills? I know all those things will get paid because all of those are Masters first priority, and he reassures me that I will still get my benefits. But I don't know.... So we have just been dealing with a lot more stress than we ought to be.

Well, besides that, Master is just so great. He always makes sure to be there, and reminds me that I'm his submissive wife. Like earlier in the week i was getting an attitude and turned away from him and he grabbed my face and said "Look at me, I'm still your Master. Don't talk to me that way". I love him. I never mean to be disrespectful, sometimes it just happens. I hope things get better around here.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Giving 100%

I need to learn to behave myself. I want to be reminded that I am his sub 24/7, but we have been busy with other things. I love when he shows his dominance and holds it over me. Lately I haven't been bad or anything, I just haven't been talking to Master with a submissive tone. Being too jokingly with him, like hes my friend, not my Master. He needs to be talked to with respect because he holds high authority. He is the head of household, and of course, everything is finalized by him. I know I play a huge part in him acting out as the dominant, being more pronounced. Because if I'm not being my most submissive self, he will not be his most dominant self. I need to remind myself of this. Both of us need to give 100% equally for the D/s dynamic to be upfront in our home. That's what I want, and I know its what he wants. I'm just selfish sometimes.