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Thursday, May 21, 2009

Losing Control


Okay so I am hoping that by the time we move into our house my attitude will straighten out. I am getting so frustrated with myself! A couple days ago me and Master got into a huge fight. And I admit, it was my fault. I was upset over something and we were laying in bed and I asked why he wasn't cuddling, he said I was upset and wanted me to cool down. And having a good sense now, that was a great response, but I took it the wrong way. I told him that was the last thing I wanted from him, was for him to be distant from me, I wanted him close. Well then I lied there for some odd minutes, still nothing from him, so I got all pissy and stormed out of the room saying "you don't care about me". So I went and sat on the couch, and guess what? He never came, so I'm thinking he is just ignoring me, so I go in the room and slam the door yelling that hes not even paying attention to me. Well, after I left and slammed the bedroom door the second time, Master got very angry and came and yelled at me to get into bed. I was about to, until he said something that hurt my feelings...well everything blew up from there and we had ourselves a little war..... Later after we talk and makeup I find that he wasn't ignoring me, he was asleep so I'm stupid and started a fight for nothing. I felt horrible that I treated Master that way and I asked him to spank me because I would not feel better until he did, even though he forgave me. So yes, Master spanked me. I still feel awful about the whole thing. I love Master! With all of my heart! I cant even believe I let myself get down to that level again. Ive had anger problems in the past, and being submissive really helps, and I let all of that go in an instant over something so stupid. I really hope I can improve myself much more after we get settled in. I want quality time with Master. He believes this is from stress due to the move and everything, but I know there is no excuse for this type of behavior. I have been better the last two days since then, but its still in the back of my mind, that I let Sir down...

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