A little disappointed in myself...

Yes, I am a little disappointed in myself. I feel like I haven't been as submissive as I should be. I have been really side tracked with things, and I have lost my intentions of being a submissive wife. I feel awful. I haven't done anything that bad, its just my attitude, and Ive SNAPPED at him, which always make feel so horrible. I feel less than when I do something so low. He didn't spank me or punish me in any matter, but he did tell me he thinks I'm not serious about this, which hurt my feelings. A lot. I guess in a way, it kind of was a punishment. A mental one, and really made me stop and think about how Ive been acting. I hate it! Like right now, I almost want to cry for how un-submissive I've been. It really sucks. I want to improve, and I hope he reads this, so he knows that I am serious, and I do care. I tell him this, but as you know, actions speak louder than words. So I am going to try my hardest to be as submissive as I can. I feel like, not only have I let myself down, but I have truly let him down. He doesn't think I can be a true submissive, that I am all talk. I want to show him who I can be....

And, with other things, as Ive said I have been sidetracked with a lot of things. We have been pretty busy with taking care of the legal things; changing my name. Well, everything was all pretty simple to take care of. We got my name changed on just about everything, I even got my new ID. Well, the last thing, ha, not so easy. We went to the DMV to go change my name on my car's registration, and the lady at the front desk was being so freaking difficult!!!! She would even listen to what we had to say, we had all of the documents and everything, and she said I couldn't change it without the title to my car. And well, we don't have that. Its through a loan with my bank, and I wont get the stupid title till its paid off. So anyways, it was this BIG HUGE hassle, of running back and forth between the bank and the DMV. My husband and I were both very frustrated. Its just changing my last name on the registration, why does it have to be so difficult? So now it is basically in a progress. So hopefully everything goes through fine, and I will be able to change it in a few weeks. Because I guess you can get a fine for having your insurance and registration having different names. Whatever. I just hope it goes through. I just want to relax now. lol. So this is whats been going on in my life and why I haven't been on so often. I hope I can be on here at least every other day, it helps me stay on track. Because I love him, and I want to make him really happy.

I'm Still Alive! lol

Yes, I'm still alive, I have been so busy, no time to write at all, but the best news of all is that we are finally husband and wife!!!!!! Yay! We are both so happy that it has finally happened! We both are just so happy. But Master is starting to get more strict with me and I need to watch myself. Ive been spanked already! lol. I got spanked last night, i just need to watch my attitude. My tone of voice. Now that he is my husband, he says he is not going to tolerate my attitude. He says I need more training, and I agree. I do. But I am trying my best to be good, because i want to make him happy, and I love him so much, why should I get an attitude with him? I think this weekend, when we are out doing all of our errands and shopping for groceries, I will be on my best behavior to show him how submissive I am to him. I will not stray when we are in the store, and i will always be by his side. I will always ask him for things also. Ive been catching that a lot too. Because a lot of the time I will ask him to do something but not say please, or I will just say, "I'm doing this" without ASKING him. So these are my plans, and we will see how things turn out on Friday. I am so tired right now I better go, and I am sure he is wondering why I am not in bed right now.

So Busy

Well once again, we have been busy busy busy. But it was so nice to have Thursday to our selves. Our training went very well. He wasn't too demanding, but he caught me getting that attitude in my voice with his requests, and he explained to me that he is testing me, and I need to listen to him. And no spankings that day. I'm proud of myself lol. I can't wait till our wedding day is over. We will finally be back to normal, only things will be better and easier on us both because we will be husband and wife. We will have the same bank account, and he will be taking care of us. And he will be giving me my allowance. You have no idea what a relief it is to have my HOH in charge of EVERYTHING! Its going to be so nice. It will almost feel like he is my daddy, paying for everything. Its a nice feeling, to be taken care of like that. I love him so much, and I am so happy that he is being patient with my family, because he is getting angry because people are upsetting me. I love that he cares like that. He is the only one who truly cares about my feelings. Half of my family could care less if they upset me. Some of them are even acting as if they don't even care about our wedding. Like its not important, because they always seem to have something more important to do than to make sure everything will be ready for our big day! Ah I better just stop now or I will keep going on and on lol.

But another thing that has me kind of down is my job. I got written up for productivity again today. My final one. Its not that I'm off task or anything, because I am ALWAYS working. Its that I'm not fast enough for them. And I'm telling you, If I do get fired, I hope I never ever go back to that place. EVER! Its horrible. Its like they think you are a robot or something! I'm a human being, I can only do so much before i am exhausted! Oh well, I just hope i can find something new before my Master wants to join the Navy. Its miserable there. I don't know if I can wait five months.

Training

So today my Master is doing training with me. Last night we did a little also, and I already got spanked twice last night. None this morning because I am being a good girl. Sir let me come on the computer for an allowed amount of time today. I will probably be able to go on later tonight to let everyone know how the training went. The spanking last night were just for my mouth basically. Bad habits I have with slight attitude. Typical of what every girl will let slip. But this is why we are training, so I can better myself, and not let my "attitude problem" slip. I want to be the best submissive I can be. Today we are also going over more rules he has for me, and I have asked him to go over how my mannerisms should be toward him in public. He has told me at home, I am never to speak his proper name. It is to be Master, Sir, or the other names we have given to each other. And in bed it is only Master or Sir, while he calls me sweet submissive, or other names. So maybe you can see why I named my blog this? Because I am his sweet submissive. But I had better get off before he comes back from getting lunch, because he did not want me on here long today. Good luck to everyone else with their journey! Hopefully I can post how our training went tonight.

I Love Him

I just wanted to say that I love my Master so much, and I am getting excited to finally be called HIS wife! Yay! Tomorrow is a day off that we have together with no previous set plans, so we are spending the whole day "training". I am excited! I have been waiting for a day for us to do this. Most of the time we are so busy on our days off that we don't have any alone time to fully be our roles as Dominant and submissive. We are ALWAYS with friends or family. Its nice to have this day together. I also wanted to make note that us women choose this lifestyle. We are not drug into it. It is ultimately up to us if we want to submit to our husbands. I just wish people had a better understanding of this lifestyle. We love each other so much, and would never do anything the other didn't want to do.

Please pray for LovingSub

Everyone please pray for LS. Her husband has passed, and now is the time that she needs prayer most. It is so horrible that this had to happen to her and her family. Words can not even express how I feel for her. I dont even know what I would do with myself if this happened to me. A DD relationship brings two people so close to each other. One is lost without the other. Please pray for her family that she can get through this. She is someone us girls can look up to for this lifestyle. She is so strong, and I pray that she can stay strong through this.

Its been a while...

Oh, I have just been so busy lately with my wedding coming up, I have had hardly any time to get on here, or even check my emails. lol. I am so excited about us getting married. Its two weeks away. It feels like I can be fully submissive as his WIFE. It just brings a whole new meaning to it.

But anyways... I just feel bad for LS and AKM. I don't know what this person's problem is, but obviously, he/she doesn't have a life with anything better to do than to go lurking into our lives and be rude. I was on AKM's page a few days ago, and was trying to catch up on his blogs, and just blog after blog this woman (I am so sure it is a woman) keeps writing nasty things about him, and LS. What is the deal? If you don't like it, that's your opinion, but you don't need to go writing stupid childish things about it. I was so tempted to write things back, but then I knew it would just cause problems, and then I would be her next target. Well I wrote something back to AKM anyway, commenting on that person. He needed opinions, so I decided to say a little something. But whatever. If that person wants to be like that, well, its just sad honestly.

But back to me, I really want to be able to get on here and write something every other day. Hopefully after the wedding, I will have more time to. Me and my fiance had gotten a little "relaxed" about our lifestyle lately because we have both been busy. But last night we started getting back on track. We went over a few more rules, and I was submissive to him in every way. I felt so much better about everything after our talk and little training session. I just feel my self when we practice D/s. And now is the time when I really need him to be a strong HOH because I have been getting a little stressed. I am very thankful to have him in my life, and I wish the rest of you great happiness in your marriages. I will try to be on here more often, and to try and catch up on other's blogs, starting tonight.

Been Thinking

My fiance and I have been discussing something recently and it has had me thinking an awful lot. He recently told me that he is considering joining the Navy after we are married. Not right after, but maybe three or four months down the line. I think it would be great in so many ways, but I am conflicted. Because you see, I'm kind of selfish. I want all the time in the world with him, and if hes in the Navy, there will be times when he will be shipped out to sea for at least a good six months. I have no idea in the world what I would do with all of that free time by myself because we will not have any children, and I do not plan on getting pregnant before he leaves because I want him there through the pregnancy, and when I give birth. I don't want any chance that he could be away when the time comes that I would be due. It would be horrible for me to not have him there in those important days of our lives. But then I think about all of the good things about him joining. We would have our housing paid for, I would be able to quit my stupid dead-end job that I hate so much, and we would have all of the great benefits that they offer. Not to mention he will be able to earn a degree. I have discussed all of things with him already. I have also looked up things on the web about Navy wives and read their blogs. I'm not too worried about anything happening to him because it seems that they just mostly go out to sea. But I am all about supporting him, and I know the reason he wants to do this is to support me and our someday family. I'm just a little worried about it because I don't really know what to expect, so I thought I would just write my thoughts down. Because I think about how lonely it will be if we get sent to another state. I will have no other family near by. I'm sure I would find something to do if we moved. Maybe a part time job, or who knows? Maybe I will have other wives to talk to when hes away. Its going to be hard having to deal without my HOH when hes away. I love his company and I love obeying him.

The Worst Spanking

Today I had my worst spanking so far. And this morning. At 3:30 am!!!! It still hurts! So you may be thinking, what did I do? Well, he has a little side job on certain mornings at a gym, and this morning, I ended up getting into an argument with him. About tuna sandwiches! So stupid. I know. Well, I was trying my hardest to get lots of sleep because I had gone to bed late last night because I was trying to get a load of laundry done. So naturally, when he wakes up, I end up waking up. Even though he is quiet and is very caring not to make any distractions for me. I guess its just his presence. Well anyways, after he had been up for an hour, he comes into the room telling me I need to make him tuna for his lunch today. So mind you, I am still trying my hardest to sleep. I get all snappy with him saying "you were up for an hour already, why couldn't you have just made it?!" And instead of him stopping this right then in there, his weaker side starts to argue with me about it, and we get into this big huge debate at three something in the morning. So then I start to feel kind of bad, and I text him telling him I don't want to fight with him and he needs to be my HOH. So then he comes into the room, and tells me to pull down my panties. I hesitate because, I really didn't want to be spanked at 3:30 in the morning. So he tells me again more firmly, so with a bit more hesitation, I turn over, and he pulls them down, and starts spanking me so hard! The hardest he has ever spanked me, I was crying out in pain! I was crying so hard that my nose was getting snotty. I was mad that he spanked me that hard. He said he loved me when he was done, and that he doesn't feel bad for spanking me that hard because I questioned him and disobeyed him. But I am very happy and glad now that he did this. I needed it. He was so angry with me. I still feel bad I acted this way, and I told him this tonight, but he said its OK because I got punished for it earlier. God, I wish I could be perfect and hold my tongue! I want our home to be peaceful, a place for him to relax and feel good. Not to get in arguments with me. I know with time I will improve my habits.

Tough Times

My master and I have been going through a tough week. Things have not been going our way at all. Seems like one thing after another. I dont want to get into detail about these things because Im not sure if someone who knows me personally would ever happen to stumble onto this page. And well, if they did, it would be a dead give away as to who I am. So I will just leave it at this. Tough times. We are so lucky to have each other when things like this happen. I dont know what I would do if I did not have my master here to comfort me. He is my everything. We compliment each other so well. And I am so grateful, and thankful that he has the patience to deal with me. We both love this lifestyle, and I have to admit, its been a little more difficult for me than it has for him. I find myself catching my tongue often, and turning to him, and ASKING him for his approval of things. Before we started all of this, I would just do what I wanted. I did not care what he thought about it. And this to me sounds selfish, and I never want to be like that again. Our love is too important to sacrifice over power struggles. We use to do this a lot, and we would end up arguing and one or both of our feelings would be hurt. He is so great. Im just happy he has patience for me, because I want this too. Its just so hard to change your ways after so many years of doing the same thing. Im surprised we have been together as long as we have while I acted that way. And sometimes I still do. But he corrects me by telling me I am not behaving and that a spanking is on the way. I hope he never gives up on me and this lifestyle we have chosen.
And another thing I wanted to talk about was our wedding.... Since the things that have happend this week, our savings that were going towards the wedding are gone. So the place we both really liked is kind of unreachable for the moment. But you know, this is okay with both of us. We dont want a big wedding. We just want to get married! We want to be husband and wife! We have been together just about six years, and we are through with waiting. We do not want to put the wedding off any further. We both think it is a great idea to just have a little wedding with imediate family and then go out to a resturant afterwards. I like this idea, and as far as I know he could care less about the ceremony. He wants what I want. Just to be married to each other finally. :)

Just Wanting to Please

I really just wish that I could stay at home right now, and find some kind of job at home. I hate being at work all day, because there is so much to be done at home! I hate having a messy house for my master. I really hate it! If I was at home, the house would be spotless, and dinner would always be ready in time for his return home. I hate that I cant have dinner ready for him the minute he comes home, and have a relaxing environment for him. I barely have time to do the dishes every night on work days. I love the feeling of waiting for his return! I get so excited waiting for him, and it makes me so happy to have all chores done by the time he is home. This is very rare when I have the opportunity to stay at home. But my HOH promises me that when he makes a little more money, that I can stay home. This makes me happy, because all I want to do is please him, and what better way than to have all chores done, and waiting for his arrival? And once he is home, I can please him in so many ways! I love being ready for him to take me! Like tonight, I really wanted him to take me, but he said no because he has to get up extra early tomorrow for his job. So I just sat in the room, on the bed. And he got mad, and told me to leave. I told him I didnt want to, and that I would not bother him, but he insisted I leave. After I dissobeyed, and did not leave, he spanked me. After he was done spanking me, he told me he wanted me to leave because he knew he would be tempted to f**k me if I stayed, and he really needs the sleep. So I felt better about him spanking me, because it was for both of our own good, even though it really stung! I love him so much though! He is my everything!

Being Bad

So I have been bad the last 2 days... And I feel really down about it. Me and my HOH had a great time yesterday, but my smart mouth was making the good day turn to a bad day. He got VERY angry with me and threatened me with the belt. I pleaded with him not to do this, and that the rest of the night I will be on my best behavior, so I did just that. And I feel really aweful about it because we were out in public, and I was acting up. He did not spank me because I was such a good girl the rest of the night. I was happy that he was happy with me, but I am sad by how I acted out in public. Then today I got spanked, and it hurt! He told me, one more time, I act up like this, I will be getting the belt. Today I broke a rule which was telling him "no" and "i dont want to", so I deserved it for being bratty with him. I really dont want to get spanked with the belt. I really need to learn to just listen and obey him, but it is so hard to do this right now. I know it will get easier with time. We both want this. We love it. When I think about acting out, I just need to stop and realize that I love him, and this is why we have decided to lead a DD life. But he is so sweet to me. Like today, I was feeling really crappy about my body, because I hate how it is right now, and he was there for me, telling me how much he loves me, and my body. How sexy I am. One of our rules is that I need to get to 110, and maintane that weight. I just feel that it will be hard to since I am 156.5 right now. But he is in charge of my diet, and exercises. So he thinks that by 5 months I should be there. I'm hoping sooner. I love him so much, and I love how he cares about me so much.

Just Starting Out.

I have always been naturally submissive, and I have always looked for ways to be submissive with good structure, and for my man to be dominant ove me. But we had no idea of how to go about this, because we both enjoy being in a D/S relationship. Then, I stumbled on some blogs and websites talking about Domestic Discipline, and mentioning things like Head of Household, strict rules, and of coarse.... spankings. This REALLY caught my eye, because this is what we have been searching for, for a couple of years now. So I got up the courage, and asked my fiance what he thought about it. I talked to him about the main beliefs of domestic discipline, and asked what he thought about it. And to my hearts desire, he loved it! And he agreed to start practicing this kind of relationship. So now, here we are, trying our best to fulfill our duties to one another. We came up with some strict rules, well, he came up with stricter rules, and I am trying my best to follow them. We have been doing this a few days now, and today I was bratty. I guess, I was kind of testing him. To see if he would really follow through and punish me when I needed it. Well... He did. First it was time out standing in a corner, and then when I still wasnt behaving, he took me in the bedroom, made my bottom bare, and spanked me. He actually did this a couple of times today because I slipped up and back talked him, and had an attitude. No one said this lifestyle was easy. Because it is HARD to hold my tongue, but I am learning. Also, he corrected me yesterday at work (we work together). I had gotten a slight attitude, and he pulled me aside and said "Dont think that just because we are here that you can act like that, I will not tolerate it". I loved when he did this. Because it reminded me of who he is, and that I need to respect him at ALL TIMES. I love him so much. Sex has also been better with more of it. I will save this for another post, because he really wants me to get off of the computer right now. But I'd like to end my post with this: I love this life we have created together!